Kournikova Officially Hot: Den Beste
Steven Den Beste has posted one of his trademark epic essays, this time on the subject of Anna Kournikova. The conclusion: Anna could probably be better at tennis if she wanted, but there’s more money in being a super-hot “good” tennis player than hatchet faced man-impersonating “great” tennis player.
A tangential discussion on the differing body types necessary to excel in certain sports gives this observation:
Every sport favors certain physical characteristics, and that tends to be reflected in the body shapes of the people who are best at it.
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Of all the major sports, the one which seems to have the most balanced requirements is baseball, and that’s demonstrated by the very broad range of physical characteristics of the men who play it professionally, especially those who excel. I don’t know of any sport where there’s as much variation in height and weight, for example, and when you meet a baseball player, unlike most other sports professionals he generally looks like a man who is optimally developed without being freakish.
Obviously, being an evil yankee imperialist, Steven is probably unfamiliar with Australian Rules Football, which is probably the most obvious example of a sport which is not dominated by any particular body type. Cricket is another example, but is a much less physical endeavour, so I’ll stick to footy for now.
The presence of so many unrelated skills in Aussie Rules - kicking, sprinting, high marking, athletic endurance, tackling and even ruck-tapping means that it is almost impossible for any body type to excel at all the disciplines. This is why, even after many years of application of modern coaching techniques and biomechanic analysis, you still have a huge range of body types in any given team.
You’ve got the fast, lean, skillful types who would be quite at home on a soccer field - A low centre of gravity and small turning circle are a feature of this type of player. Gavin Wanganeen is a good example.
Alongside them, you’ve got the barrel-chested upper-body dominant key position players, many of whom would pass for rugby players if they’d had enough beers at the pub. Brute strength is their key. Glenn Archer, Jason Cloke, Leigh Brown.
Then you’ve got the dinosaurs of the ilk of Aaron Sandilands and Spider Everitt. Predominantly used in the ruck, but also found frequently as key forwards, there aren’t many contact sports where a bloke over 6′9″ could make a big impact. Port Adelaide’s Dean Brogan once played in the national basketball league, and ex-Adelaide star Sean Rehn was a dead ringer for Aussie fast bowler Bruce Reid, but in America, they’d be pretty stuffed.
There’s even a place in the AFL for pure athletes. Hawthorn’s Shane Crawford isn’t a standout player in any major discipline, although he’s a good all-rounder. What makes him great is his capacity for running long distance at near-top pace.
Then again, there are a reasonable number of players running around who aren’t blessed with any athletic greatness at all. Brett Ratten, Dean Rioli, Paul Hasleby and the like, who still manage to dominate games primarily by being experts at reading the play and the fall of the ball.
No one player really comes close to mastering all the athletic disciplines, and that’s the beauty of the game. I’ve always thought that Aussie Rules’ primary attraction came from the fact that anyone can play, even goal-hungry mop-headed freakazoids like Paul Medhurst.
Parents, especially in the US, are catching onto the fact that it’s unlikely their kids will grow up to be NBA or NFL stars, simply because of the tyranny of genetics. Increasingly, they are sending them to play soccer at a young age in the hope that their skills won’t be overshadowed by the physical attributes of rival kids. It’s a fine plan if your kid turns out to be a 5′8″ Mr average, but what if he grows into Matthew Burton or, god forbid, Rene Kink? It’s too late to switch when you’re 15 if you want to make to the big time.
The AFL seems to have no problem appealing to parents in terms of trying to cut down on biffo, and taking a dim view of those players who get a skinful or have a ciggie. There’s precious little to be heard about AFL’s advantages, though.
The most lucrative potential markets in Japan and the US are already being rapidly taken over by soccer, despite the presence of a strong AFL following among both expats and natives in those countries. If Steven Den Beste, the man who knows almost everything, isn’t aware of Aussie Rules, then I think it’s fair to say that they aren’t really serious about promoting the game overseas.
It’s time they did.
A purely local market is increasingly looking poor on a global scale. What kid (or more accurately, parent) wouldn’t be convinced by a $50 million a year soccer contract? By comparison, the top AFL players are still earning less than $1 million a year. The game’s survival depends on pushing it overseas, and I’m sorry, but Ireland isn’t going to cut it. Lift your game!
Update: US Readers who want to know more about Australian Rules Football, check out the website of the Australian Football Association of North America (AFANA).
