Glen Jakovich Is A Fuckwit

One of the truisms of football is that Glen Jakovich is not only one of the most overrated players ever to pull on the boots, but also a gigantic crybaby. How he managed to get his contract extended for season 2004 is a mystery to just about everyone, but he’s making the most of his fame while it last, because this time next year his car accessory ads will be his sole source of income.

With that in mind, Jakovich has released a book about himself. Could there be a less interesting person in the world to publish a biography?

In the book, Jakovich claims that Mick Malthouse, while coaching the Eagles, punched him the face at half time to fire him up. Aww, poor Glen. Malthouse was simply living the dream of millions of football fans who’d like to do the same thing.

The other “bombshell” is that Jakovich believes that the 2000 “demolition derby” was a result of a premeditated Fremantle strategy to physically upset the Eagles. Obviously, Gardiner punching on with Pavlich before the first siren and Phil Read attempting to king hit people all day had nothing to do with it.

I haven’t read Jakovich’s book, and it’s safe to say I never will, but there seems to be a theme here: Jako doesn’t like to fight. That’s probably why he chose to slap Trent Croad in the face in last years derby instead of punching. Or perhaps his limp wrists aren’t capable of forming a fist.

Jako has also come out previously and stated that the suggestion that footy players use recreational drugs is rubbish. Which, as everyone knows, is so wrong it’s not even funny.

Players are using drugs Glen, they just don’t tell you about it because they don’t want dickheads like you to come to their parties. What were Ben and Mikey doing with John Kizon? Getting tips on the dishlickers? You’re a moron.

I hate Jakovich and I hate West Coast.

The underachieving Eagles won 2 premierships in the 90s with a list that should have won 5. Perth never shut up about the fucking Eagles for a whole decade, even though they played the most boring brand of football ever seen before or since.

I barracked for Essendon until 1995, for no other reason that they were the team the Eagles seemed to hate most, so they seemed alright by me.

Nowadays, of course, I barrack for Fremantle. That’s not the end of it though. I also consider myself a die-hard fan of whichever team is playing the Eagles in that particular week. Even if it’s Collingwood. If North Korea put a team in the AFL coached by Kim Jong-Il, I would definitely barrack for them when they played West Coast. That’s how shit they are.

Jakovich is the last remaining player from the dark old days of 1 team in Perth. Once he’s gone, hopefully the footy-challenged retards who think 2 West Coast premierships were indicative of their “strong club culture and loyal supporters” can just shut the fuck up. For ever.

The good news is that Jakovich is a “certain starter” in this weekends derby. According to him. Whether or not he gets a game is another question, because he’s probably the worst player in the AFL at this point in time.

If he does play, I hope he is horribly injured and ends his career in pain, in a wooden spoon year for the Eagles. Also, if Ben Cousins and/or Michael Gardiner would like to join him, that’d be just grrrreat.

Oh Wait, Gardiner already did! HAHA!

Fuck you Jakovich, and fuck you West Coast, I hope you lose by 35 goals.

The end.

Explore posts in the same categories: Greatest Hits, Sport