Abtholutely Thuperfish

Ian Thorpe obviously isn’t giving enough face time to channel 9 staff:
Now, as Ian Thorpe launches his latest male underwear collection today, the Olympic swimmer will learn he is part of a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy send-up set to air on Channel 9.
While the nation’s wonderboy is spared a role as part [...]

Metmucil Me

Imre Salusinszky tries the all-McDonalds diet, and surprisingly doesn’t die:
Six years ago, with the help of GutBusters, I reduced my weight from 98kg to 80kg. I’ve always wanted to lose the extra two kilos to make it a round 20, but never imagined it would be Ronald McDonald who would get me over the [...]

Life Imitates Porn

This week’s story of debauchery, involving horny doctors, naughty secretaries and photocopiers, brought to you by the Australian surf life saving association:
A CENTRAL Queensland doctor has been charged for allegedly spanking a female employee.
Dr Peter John Fenner AM ? the national medical officer for Surf Life Saving Australia and well-known irukandji jellyfish researcher ? is [...]

Master Race Plan Successful

Somewhere in Germany is a baby Superman, born in Berlin with bulging arm and leg muscles. Not yet 5, he can hold seven-pound weights with arms extended, something many adults cannot do. He has muscles twice the size of other kids his age and half their body fat. DNA testing showed why: The boy has [...]

Cheney Dumped!

Bush has a new running mate.

Just Her Type

This woman has serious issues when it comes to choosing a mate:
A MAN who doused a woman with petrol and set her alight after she repeatedly rejected his marriage proposals has been sentenced to 14 years in jail.
The Supreme Court heard today that 35-year-old Hasan Huseyin Alipek of Richmond abducted Hulya Cavus from a city [...]

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

A recent poll on the Australian Libertarian site asked the question: What is the greatest threat to our Liberty?
The clear winner? : Stupidity.
With that in mind, I’d like to take the chance to celebrate a couple of obvious exponents in this most pervasive of nouns. Only one of these is actually a threat to liberty, [...]

Higher Education Under Threat

In what could prove to be the greatest threat to tertiary education since the invention of the funnel, Australia’s finest scientists have come up with Goon-In-A-Can.
WE’VE had it in bottles, flagons and casks - now get ready for wine in cans.
Barokes, a range of wines in 250ml aluminium cans, will go on sale in New [...]

Repent

I don’t have my bible handy, but I think I remember this being one of the signs of the apocalypse:
Ice-T is to produce David Hasselhoff’s first hip-hop album.
The pair are neighbours in Los Angeles and are said to have struck up a close friendship.
Hasselhoff has had some success as a singer, releasing seven albums. He’s [...]

House Of Bong

The Phillipines, not content to simply boast a terrorist organisation known as “MILF”, now have not one, but two politicians who insist on being called “Bong”:
WHAT’S in a nickname? Quite a lot in the Philippines, where two candidates standing for parliament have fought a bitter legal battle over the right to be called “Bong”.
Voters can [...]