Moron Mutants

I saw the X-Men sequel, “X2” a couple of weeks ago. Don’t be alarmed, this post won’t contain any spoilers for those who haven’t seen it.

I have a problem with the X-men mythology.

In the original movie, the head villain is an old Jewish man called Eric. His scary mutant name is “Magneto”. Magneto has the ability to create magnetic fields using his brain. Very powerful ones. Powerful enough to lift cars, stop bullets, turn anything made of metal into a speedy projectile etc etc.

He can also fly because he wears a metal suit that he lifts of the ground magnetically. He’s quite spiffy as far as mutants go.

Unfortunately, Magneto is a dumbass. His primary objective seems to be to bring about the destruction of society so he can take over and rule. Now don’t get me wrong, that is a fine ambition. The problem is he goes about it in a very Bond-villain type fashion.

“Ah Mr Bond, now I have caught you, I suppose you think I’m going to shoot you! How mistaken you are Mr Bond. Instead I will put you into this crazy death machine that doesn’t work and look away while you escape!”

That kind of thing.

You see, if you had the ability to create magnetic fields at will, and wanted to significantly disrupt society, it wouldn’t really be that hard. Anyone who has ever been taught how to use a computer knows that magnetic fields are bad for computers. They erase hard disks, destroy monitors and generally stuff things up.

Why the hell doesn’t Magneto just walk around erasing hard drives of all the computers in the world? If he can lift a car up, he could surely erase entire city blocks in one pass. He could fly around in his special metal flying suit and erase every goddamn hard drive in the USA in under a day.

Society would crumble. Banks would be shut, the secret government conspiracy would no longer be able to monitor anyone, UFO’s would escape from area 51 because the alarms stopped working, and all other kinds of crazy shit.

Not to mention Bras! Don’t they still make those bras with the bits of wire in them? I’m sure they do. Why not pull all those off every large breasted woman in the country! Chaos! Frat-boy hijinks on a global scale! The possibilites are endless.

Magneto is supposed to be some kind of evil genius, but obviously they don’t make em like they used to. Magneto is a lightweight! God forbid if I ever get super-powers. I have waaaay too much time to think about how to use them.

Explore posts in the same categories: Entertainment

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