Home, Car Buyback Proposed

Following the astounding success of the Australian gun buyback program, Minister for Caring Chris Ellison announced plans today to launch a similar program, this time tackling dangerous homes:

Child safety advisory organisation Kidsafe said a child died each day because of accidental injury at home.

“On average, one child a day dies, around 5000 need medical attention and 170 children a day need to be admitted to hospital because of accidental injury,” Kidsafe Queensland executive officer Robyn Allen said.

“And for the under fives, the home is the major problem.”

Mr Ellison referred to the problem of home-related deaths, saying “While we respect the desire of some Australians to live in houses, it is clear that they are a leading cause of accidental death. Additionally, the incidence of homicide in private residences continues to increase. The home buyback scheme will protect the law-abiding people of Australia from dangerous, criminal home-owners.”

Asked about the possibility of extending the friendly legislation to the even more dangerous menace of automobiles, Mr Ellison replied: “While a car buyback scheme would obviously be preferable, the cost could be prohibitive. We do not wish to punish innocent Australian taxpayers any further by inflicting unnecessary tax burdens on them.

The government will continue to trial the car disabling program, which has had considerable success in forcing drunk drivers to find a passer-by to blow in their ignition lock.”

Civil libertarians could not be contacted for comment, as most were drowning their sorrows at the pub, while it’s still legal.

At Least We Got In The Paper!

A bunch of anti-GM morons destroyed a GM wheat trial in England over the weekend, but the post-riot bongfest was spoiled by the revelation that it wasn’t GM at all:

Anti-genetically modified (GM) crop campaigners destroyed a field of ordinary wheat by mistake at the weekend, according to the growers.

The unnamed group broke into the field of crops at a research centre in Berkshire early on Sunday morning, claiming they were a GM trial.

But the centre claims the crops were actually ordinary wheat – part of an important research project investigating a fungal disease.

via Aaron Oakley.

Fat Chick Chafes Over “Fat” Slur

A technician on Channel 10’s Big Brother may lose his job because contestant Chrissie – who is a fat woman – overheard him mention that she was a “fat woman”.

A BIG Brother crew member was yesterday fighting for his job after he made a “fat woman” comment about housemate Chrissie through the walls of the house ? which she heard.

Just after midnight on Tuesday, while Chrissie was about to shower in a skirt and bra, she heard a technician behind the wall talking about her weight.

Live feed viewers told Confidential they heard something similar to “I’d never go for a fat woman”.

He said an investigation was underway into the “careless” comment which was a “dismissable offence”.

Today’s comment’s topic: What should we call fat chicks if the word “fat” is no longer acceptable speech? Euphemisms, insults and pub slang equally welcome!