QANTAS: It’s Australian For SHIT

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71 Comments on “QANTAS: It’s Australian For SHIT”

    • john porter Says:

      on our flight from brisbane to sydney, our flight made an emergency landing at a military facility due to low fuel and a problem with sydneys runway. we missed our flight from sydney to manila so we went to philippine airlines who told us to go see qantas as it was there fault and they would take care of us. at customer service the employee who we talked to (jefferey blackenye) a fat angry rude man who could have been mistaken for a u.s. cop by the way he talked to us. i explained our dilemma and he responded by telling us that qantas was not at fault. but it was the way he responded that i could not accept. he is a rude fat little man and i was almost tempted to reach over the counter and slap him. i never gave him a reason for the way he treated us and if the rest of qantas organization is to be judged on this employee it would not be a very good reflection on the company as a whole.

  1. Paul Roberts Says:

    What a great article,I’ve been wanting to say how shit Qantas is for years but ate shit instead.Good On Yah Mate!!Qantas is SHIT!!!

  2. The Bard Says:

    Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

  3. Mark Says:

    True, absolutely true.
    I have even written to Singapore Airlines to ask why they do not reduce their fares to compete with Qantas on the SIN->PER->SIN route, explaining to them (SQ) that the minute they do, I will switch to SQ and NEVER AGAIN fly Qantas. Don’t know why but SQ won’t match the QF price – so I find myself putting up with QF to save around $200 per trip, but the worse things get the more I am thinking that it is worth that $200 just not to have to deal with the Qantas SHIT.

  4. AD Says:

    QANTAS stands for Queers and Nympomaniacs Trying to Act as Stewards

  5. Ronin Says:

    Mark….

    You will find, if you are prepared to call more than one travel agent, that SIA prices ARE almost always the same as Qantas.

    Sometimes they are cheaper some times a little dearer.

    Even if Qantas is cheaper I will refuse to fly with them.

    Qantas ARE racist…they hate the human race.

  6. mark, Sydney Says:

    and who goes to Singapore for a “holiday”
    No wonder your holiday adventure features the plane trip and service.
    That’s my point. The dude from Perth starts his holiday evaluation when he gets on the plane and becomes the ugly Australian traveler.

    grow up.

  7. Warwick Says:

    The last time I tried to check in at qantas in Sydney I waited so long for the attendants doing nothing to serve me that I thought I was at a bank! When I finally got served I told the attendant I wanted to close my account!
    Even MAC bank could not provide a worse service.
    The day Singapore Air or Tiger provide a transatlantic and or local service will be a day of celebration for long suffering travellers.
    By the way mark, it’s Qantas that needs to grow up.

  8. Jay Says:

    All true!

    Best thing Ive read in a long time!!

    I just flew Qantas to Tokyo and they didn’t even have the seat-back screens. It was an old projector screen up the front of the plane and they showed ONE movie on an 9 hour flight!!

    Staff were rude and food was shit!

    Is there a possible sequel to this?

    Jay

  9. johnny Says:

    hey great stuff..qantas rocks! http://funbads.com

  10. nicole Says:

    i’m doing a uni assignment on qantas and found this page…..as stressed as i was, thank you so much for giving me a great belly laugh. you are quite funny. thanks dude.

  11. Ron Says:

    The man has got it right. WE must be grateful for their service….? I can live with the unshapely women, etc. but their arrogance is truly astounding.
    Qantas is living off a reputation from a comment made in a forgettable film some time back – safest airline in the world.
    Like all things Australian we aren’t the best in the world at everything and a reality check via their accounts is the only way to show them. I am not the only Australian to refuse to fly Qantas anymore, and almost every expat that i know flies any airline BUT Qantas.
    The comment regarding their attitude of being an extension of the Government is also, sadly, quite accurate.
    Good report mate, and Yes, we do need to be careful about “air rage”….. or even “land rage” with certain Customs officers in Perth airport (around 1 am) who don’t seem to be ‘morning people’ and enjoy provoking the passenger into rage or submission.
    Regarding the alcohol issue, i have been on a Qantas domestic flight on the East coast where the staff continued to ply drunk loud and foul mouthed mine workers with alcohol whilst they were seated amongst families.
    For want of a better expression – go figure!

  12. Jose Says:

    They suck. They are arogants and very rude.

  13. Rodney Says:

    Has anyone tried Shitstar lately…..oooops……I meant Jetstar. Now they really take the cake for rudeness, arrogance, delays, cancellations, not telling you that they have cancelled your flight, then fucking charging you for the inconvenience of trying to change to another flight and overall SHIT service. Fly Virgin or Tiger at all costs.

  14. Michael Says:

    get a life mate

  15. tony Says:

    hmmm, i just flew back from Japan on Australian Airlines (a QANTAS subsiduary), and it was a joke..

    The plane was so old and run down that it was embarrassing (i was one of only about 3 aussies in a plane full of japanese). the food was attrocious, the hosties looked close to retirement age (even the one japanese hostie), there was an aboriginal hostie who who was so large that she hardly fit down the aisle, and for some reason she was the only one wearing black..

    the movie was on video tape, and the heads on the tape machine were so dirty that it was virtually unwatchable…

    Hmmm.. all up, i wish i’d spent the extra few hours flying singapore rather than the direct flight…

  16. johnno Says:

    at least you got food i flew from perth to brisbane today and by the time they got to me they had run out of hot food offering some crappy cold cereal plus not a headphone on board so no movies etc

  17. johnno Says:

    how about forming an anti qantas society and take ther piss out of these politically correct bastards a la chasers war style

  18. johnno Says:

    anyone who flies qantas deserves what they get

  19. Tony Richardson Says:

    Qantas Airlines; expensive and dangerous; Qantas Airlines flight QF1 crashed on landing in Bangkok in 1999 nearly killing 407 passengers and crew, the cause, crew incompetence and cost cutting operational methods, then incredibly qantas proceeded to deny it was an accident, just an incident, as a pilot myself this denial can only be described as a surreal safety attitude.

    Qantas spent $100 million in repairs; why, so they could continue to claim they had never lost a jet aircraft in a crash, buying the wreck to prevent an insurance write off to continue this denial of reality.

    Qantas hates competition; denying tiger access to alice springs, having to pay $70 million in US for these shonky practices for example

  20. LewdCrue Says:

    This is one of the best articles I have read in a while and could not agree more with it and the comments above. Qantas has had a monopoly on the domestic market for ages now, that is why they can get away with what they do, as far as international flights are concerned, only their prices are competitive and that is the only thing keeping them in business, and the fact that they have also monopolised one of the most sought after air routes – the US-Australia pacific route where qantas refuses to let any other airline except united to fly that route. Singapore Airlines along with many others have been trying to get in on that for years but Qantas, for some unknown reason has the rights to it only which is really bad. As someone who works at the airport, I can tell you right now that Qantas has done a lot of shady stuff, some probably illegal that is making sure they get record profits every year. Safety-wise Qantas is one of the best but everything else from the treatment of their workers, workplace and passengers is appaling. You would not want to know how it all works backstage.
    As for some comments above, Singapore Airlines charges more because they are, to put it in less words, stingy. Qantas used to handle SQ up until a few years back and Singapore decided they did not want to renew the contract unless they could do it for a lesser fee, a contract which was about 7 or 8 years old. Qantas said no, and rightly so and SQ are now handled by contratctors.
    The large flight attendant wearing all black, my guess is that black is slimming so thats why she was wearing black.
    And the comment above, Qantas has competition? Boy do they ever, as I mentioned above, they have had a tight hold on the US-Australia Pacifc route for years, they will not let any other airline aside from United who obviously have to have access as well, to fly that route.

    It isnt just the poor service, Qantas has a lot of things that are questionable, most of it being behind the scenes. Safety is the only thing that they actually take seriously which is why they rarely have crashes, most of those crashes occurred in the early years of the company, but hell who didnt crash back then? technology was shit compared to now so there is really no real excuse for aircraft to be crashing these days.

    Oh and this comment
    Like all things Australian we aren’t the best in the world at everything and a reality check via their accounts is the only way to show them

    Oh aint that the fucking truth!!

  21. Nikonflier Says:

    I avoid Qantas but had to suffer Sydney jo’burg return last may. As I am over 2 metres in height I try to get and exit row ….. well a huge bloody arguement on the first leg and they found one that hadn’t been preallocated (to midgets !), but on the return I was passenger 23 (sequence number of your Boarding pass shows this) to check in , and yes, all exit rows were full !!!! (22 giants on this flight !)…… the supervisor looked up at me and was very aplogetic (she was a SA agent, not QF staff)…. At the gate she had moved me to an exit row (yippee), but the worst thing happened on board. A guy who was about an inch taller and weighed a bit more too, got on with his family and was shoved into very cramped middle rows at the rear….. he mumbled about the exit rows !!! I spotted that the exit row forward of the next section had a curtain across it – maybe medical, thus explaining the shortage….. no way – just before take off the FSD comes down takes the 3 guys sitting there away ( I guess to business class). I said to the dolly bird wandering around the area that it appeared that these seats were now empty and the guy down the back was in pain !!! No way will she move them – they are for “crew” ….. Oh it becomes clear, give exit row seats to crew being repositioned, then move them to Business, and refuse to let someone in need have the seat ……… THATS NORMAL QANTAS FOR YOU !!!!!

  22. Mule Says:

    Try qantaslink, the ‘up country’ subsidiary of qantas. Flights canceled and then just reallocated to later flight, which didn’t suit, had to go the night before. Flight home 2 hours late. ‘Couldn’t care less’ attitude of ground staff. They are now short of pilots, so the regional routes get canceled first. I used to think qantas were the best in the world, but no longer. Every flight involves some sort of grief with service, delays, cancellations, etc. Air New Zealand took me to USA and back from Sydney this year, arguably the best airline in the world. SQ took me to Istanbul and home from London last year, with much better service than in 1990. Virgin Atlantic are also great. Qantas ARE CRAP, and couldn’t care less.

    I hope I am wrong, but it is only a matter of time before their attitude catches their safety record. They have had near misses lately.

    How do we get Air New Zealand flying rural and regional Australia? Or even Virgin Blue competing with Rex and qantaslink?

    To get to Sydney from country NSW the Country link XPT (that’s a train), or driving my car, is looking attractive.

  23. FattMann Says:

    Years back I got arrested and found the cops to be courteous, professional and attentive (they kept offering me coffee) with clean amenities. This compares to flying with this pack of passive-aggressive bored-with-life incompetent uncaring and lazy gaggle of muppets whos attitudes would see them sacked from a work for the dole assignment. Their claim to fame boils down to “we haven’t killed anyone yet” and they feel as long as they hold true to that lofty standard it’s quite ok for everything everything and everyone else to go to the dogs. Pray you never crash QANTAS, or you’ll have lost the last reason that people fly with you – aside from your monopoly. Quite Appaling No Talent Air Service.


  24. […] So thanks QANTAS for a truly premium experience. If I fly you again I’ll be feeling the sincerity when the “special” welcome is issued to all QANTAS frequent flyers. After this experience it would seem that QANTAS is indeed Australian for shit. […]

  25. cayenneboy Says:

    Just realized that this great article was posted 5-6 yrs ago! You’d expect that someone up there to listen but it looks like nothing has changed except for the worse. I’ve endured the SHIT for some yrs now (for the same reason as the author) and have finally vowed never again to fly QANTAS especially now that Branson’s VB and Tiger offer some relieve from hell.
    They forgot to serve me meals on 2 successive flights. Entertainment system? Do they have one? They rarely work and I’ve never succeeded in completing a movie. So these days i just have to rely on my ipod.
    And yes, the crew are indeed against the human race! If any member of the crew gets retrenched, there’s only 1 place to get a job – TELSTRA. Hahaha!
    Today, after suffering my worst encounter on QANTAS ever, I’ve vowed never ever again to take that SHIT even if I get paid to fly QANTAS or my last name will never be the same!

  26. Hmmm... Says:

    Methinks that this man who complains about the ugly flight attendants on Qantas probably wouldn’t win any beauty contests himself.

    Hard to take travel advice from someone who thinks that American Pie is a great trilogy and would only watch an AFI winning film if it had naked japanese girls.

    As for all the anti gay innuendo..me thinks thou doth protest too much. You probably secretly wanted one of them to slip it into your unsightly white hairy arse crack when you dozed off.

    Wanker.

  27. Yobbo Says:

    Yeah you got me mate. Wanting to see hot female flight attendants instead of butch gay flight attendants makes me a homo.

  28. Mule Says:

    Dear Hmmm…

    Get a life.

    If you are happy with qantas, fly with them.

    If you ever do have a problem with them, email or write to customer care. If you get a response you will be very lucky indeed. They couldn’t care less.

    Had cause to take my daughter to Sydney last month. Previously I would have put her on a flight with qantaslink or Rex, both are so unreliable that I drove her down and back. The pilot shortage will eventually disappear and become a passenger shortage.

    As for the gay insinuation, wake up to yourself. Maybe YOU are the one protesting too much. You seem to have an unnatural fascination with Yobbo’s arse.

    I have never had a problem with a flight attendant on any flight ever, but have heard horror stories. Did see a flight attendant, and she was well past the use by date, speak to a passenger on a qantas jumbo as if he was a mongrel dog, “sitdown” as if he wouldn’t stop barking. The bloke was returning to his seat as he had been asked to do by the loud speaker. The aged hostie was just rude.

    Most flight attendants on qantaslink are trying to give passengers good service to make up for the lousy attitude of reservations and check in, especially in Sydney. They often have a hostile group of passengers who are on flights that are hours late or on a different flight after their booked flight was canceled , often at the last minute or without notification.

    I don’t care what the rest of the world does, but I don’t want to put up with male flight attendants “flirting” with each other rather than bringing drinks to half the plane. I will take the hot little honeys any day. And I am very sure of my sexuality.

  29. Princess Josie Says:

    Do Jetstar stories count? I suspect they fall into the ‘serves me right for booking with them’ category but, on the upside, the booking was no guarantee I would experience bad service as I never actually made it on to one of their flights!

    Not a funny story! At least, I’m just not ready to speak about it yet. I consider this the first step.

  30. Mule Says:

    Give it to them, Josie. Rex airlines are just as bad, they can be hours late, or can cancel a flight at the last moment and you are supposed to wear it. In February they twice cancelled the evening flight. No way of getting home and no responsibility from Rex. Come back tomorrow. Make your own arrangements for accomm. But if you are one minute late you are denied access to the plane. Pay twice to fly once.

    I have heard of cases of people running to check in at Shitstar, only to have it shut in front of them. They left people stranded in Hawaii for two days and that is OK???? Bring on Virgin Blue into regional Australia.

    Drive when you can, train or bus is suddenly looking good, qantas and Rex as a last resort.

  31. w Says:

    I don’t understand that how an airline that in the last several years has had its back to the fucking wall with high fuel prices and will continue to face even higher in the near term treat customers like pieces of shit.

    How’s this: we are in the front row of economy behind business on a night flight to Perth from Asia with our newborn daughter. We spot a spare seat ahead in a darkened business class, and ask the trolly dolly if my wife could breastfeed our daughter with some privacy minus the glaring lights in economy for 15-20 minutes. He nods, prances off, comes back and has the fucking cheek to tell us there are no spare seats. And from the bottom of his heart, bless him, he suggest my wife could go to the toilets to feed our daughter. I said I wouldn’t be that keen on having my meals in the toilet, so we will pass on the idea. This prick then prances off with not a care in the world.

    Qantas, another example why Australian business will always be second rate.

  32. pp Says:

    I notice Qantas have registered QantasSucks.com but, being the tools they are, haven’t registered qantasucks.com or qantasux.com.

    Go on, someone with a spare $50 or so register it😉

  33. Mule Says:

    Found this story on qantasux.com.

    Don’t they just love riping people off. The failure to respond sounds very familiar. They couldn’t care less.

    Qantas is not only involved in dishonest and incompetent practices but are failing to respond to customer complaints. This airline that treats its passengers with such arrogance that it boosts its profits by leaving Australians illegally stranded overseas.

    A TRUE STORY
    In December 2004 I invited my 18 year old son to join me for a one year visit in the Philippines where I was stationed. Excitedly he went to The Sydney Flight Center and got a price of AUD$1,320 for a return ticket to The Philippines. I wanted to pay for the ticket myself, but at that time I was already in the Philippines, so I told my son that I would call Qantas and as long as the price was the same I would buy the ticket over the phone using my MasterCard. This is exactly what I did on December 15, 2004. When I called Qantas I was happily surprised that the ticket was in fact AUD$70 cheaper from them than Sydney Flight Center. Qantas REFUSED to issue a paper ticket and insisted on issuing an “E-Ticket”, I had no reason to suspect this and had faith in Qantas delivering what had been ordered and paid for from them. My son flew from Sydney to Manila on January 8, 2005 on the ticket I had purchased, he had just turned 18 and this was only his second time to travel by air. All seemed well. In December 2005, when his return was drawing near we asked Qantas to book and finalize the date of his return travel. To our total amazment they said they had no booking for my son and couldn’t find any E-ticket for him in the system. Frustrated by the apparent poor Qantas computer infrastructure I attended the Manila Qantas office in person together with my son. After some investigation we discovered that Qantas was claiming that the ticket was only issued as “one way”, according to the Manila Customer Service the Sydney Qantas salesperson taking my call on the day of the booking had converted my request for a return ticket into a highly priced one way ticket that is ILLEGAL for Qantas to issue and doing so would result in my son being stranded in Manila without a visa and no way to return. In the Philippines such illegal aliens are locked in prison. On previous bookings Qantas has sent confirmation of bookings to me via email however on in this case alone they sent a paper receipt to my parent’s house addressed to my 18 year old son. As Qantas Manila staff tried to shrug it off as a misunderstanding which they don’t wish to accept any liability for, their only defense being that my 18 year old son who had only ever seen a ticket once in his life should have noticed that the words “return open” where missing from the body of the receipt. Just for the record, nowhere on the receipt does it say the ticket is “one way”, nowhere. How would an advanced international company like Qantas hide the fact that a ticket had been processed incorrectly as a highly priced one way ticket and expect an 18 year old new traveler to guess that some fine print words were missing? Of course non of us would imagine that Qantas would issue an illegal ticket!

    WHY THE TICKET IS ILLEGAL
    There is a standard practice that passengers bound for destinations requiring permanent residency are required by law to have a return ticket when boarding an aircraft so why would Qantas even entertain issuing this ticket and why did they let him board the aircraft with insufficient paperwork? When these questions where asked of the Qantas staff in Manila they tried to shift the blame onto Philippine immigration for allowing him to enter the country, this is a totally absurd given that if Philippine Immigration had apprehended him Qantas would have been fined a substantial amount for carrying him on a one way ticket. But then again how would Philippine Immigration know that the words “return open” were “missing”. As a result of this Qantas fiddle, my son was stranded in Manila with 10 days till his visa expired Qantas Manila staff just wanted to pass responsibility to Customer Service in Australia which was clearly just an attempt to push responsibilities to someone else. Australian Customer service did not respond to our mails, answer the issue or do anything, they simply didn’t care that they had illegally stranded an 18 year old in a foreign country in favor of their profit increasing tricks! We compel everyone who reads this to boycott any flights on Qantas Airways. This company sells itself as safe, friendly Australian carrier but they are none of these things.

    For your country, for your family, for your safety BOYCOTT QANTAS

  34. Moses Says:

    They’re swines. Pure and simple.

  35. Mule Says:

    Was talking to a bloke from NZ today. Qantas fly domestically in NZ and same story. Delayed flights, no info or straight answers, just hang around the airport and finally get away over 2 hours late. This was a domestic flight into Auckland. They couldn’t care less.

    He reckoned that the lack of air force pilots and the incentives the air force now give them to keep them is major contributor to pilot shortage.

    If qantas can fly in NZ, why can’t Air NZ fly domestically in OZ? They have got to be better than qantaslink.

    What about Rex, one of their planes lost a wheel on take off out of Orange last week. The only airline worse than qantas.

  36. Mule Says:

    Flyin’ kangaroo out of Hong Kong? They are very lucky not to have killed a lot of people. For what was once a good airline, this is an absolute disgrace. They have gone to the dogs and they couldn’t care less.

    For your family, for your safety BOYCOTT QANTAS

  37. Mule Says:

    Now they’re dropping fluid on QF19 to Manila. About time they maintain their planes and get some new ones, and look after their engineers and other staff. What a crap airline.

  38. Mule Says:

    Dropped 8 000 feet nose first? Computer error. How long before these cowboys kill someone? the airbus 330 is a good plane, flew Turkish airlines on one Istanbul to Paris last year. Got grog, food and ‘in back of seat’ TV and games entertainment, plus hosties that weren’t too shabby. Better than qantas. About time qantas maintained their planes and looked after their engineers. Turbulence my arse!!!

  39. tank Says:

    Regarding droping 8000′ that is not their fault… It is an Airbus issue as also evident in the recent air france 330 crash…

    Here is a point to consider… Customer service in australia sucks… It is probably the worst place in the world for it. Doesn’t matter if it is a car dealer service centre, a supermarket or… Telstra… Now consider that Qantas is one of the biggest customer service providers in the country and logically they are shit at it. Qantas is an extremely greedy controlling company. Look at the fuss they made about only making $120 million profit… Im gussing they could dip into last years honey jar where they made $900 million FFS.

    Currently they are running a program called exceptional where they are taking 18000 employees australia wide to sydney for a 1 day course to promote exeptional customer service… Now get this, as well as checking in and cabin crew… Engineers are doing the course… Pilots from their regional carrier (qantaslink) are doing it. WTF… When have you ever interacted with a qantas engineer… Why are they wasting money on this? They need to aim all their training at the faces of the company, FA’s and checkin staff because at the moment they are doing a fucking woeful job!

  40. Yobbo Says:

    Couldn’t agree more Tank. They really have no idea do they?

  41. Mule Says:

    Good Lord! We are all still here!

    If the Airbus 330 has a problem, why aren’t Qantas onto Airbus Industries over this? Do they really give a rat’s??? Is Airbus producing a quality product?

    A 380 was 26 hours late out of Sydney a little while back. Better late than dead, but couldn’t they have rounded up a 747? Put people on Cathay, British Airways, anything that was going to London? Tank is right, very greedy and controlling. Cheaper to put people in hotels than get them on alternative flights.

    Are Qantas getting any better for their “Professional Development”? I did have a “engineer” (he was outside the terminal in a fluro work shirt between terminal and plane) ask me to get off the mobile phone this year as I walked to a qantaslink flight in Sydney this year. He was polite enough and so was I. Maybe it is working….. My alternative here is Rex airlines, who make qantaslink look good.

    Flew Viva Macau Sydney to Macau this year. (I know, stupid me). Cheap, ran on time and didn’t kill us, but this mob make jetstar look good. VERY old 767s and bugger all service. $5 a beer and at room temp on the return flight. Coming out of Macau, they take your empty water bottles, so you cannot fill up on the plane. They also sell water on the plane. Never again!

  42. Mule Says:

    A man was sitting in the bar at Mascot Terminal and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself:

    ‘Wow, she’s so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for.’

    ‘I still call Australia home’ he says to her.

    She pulled away from him & gave an ice cold glare.

    ‘Obviously not with QANTAS’. He thought.

    Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan, ‘Love to fly and it shows?’

    She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:’ Well, she obviously doesn’t work for Delta.’

    A moment later, another slogan popped into his head, so he leaned towards her again and said, ‘Something special in the air?’

    She gave him the same confused look, and he mentally kicked himself, while scratching Singapore Airlines off the list.

    He thought ‘Perhaps she works for Thai Airways…’ and said, ‘Smooth as Silk?’

    This time the woman turned on him and said, ‘What the **** do you want?’

    The man smiled, slumped back in his chair, and said ‘Ahhhhh, Jetstar!’

  43. Distressed Says:

    Do you say: they are not racist!!

    Wait until you see Qantas cabin crews treat South Asian people.
    I am sure you will change your view.

    They are the most racist people in the world, not undermining their overwhelming amount of arrogance towards all flyers.

  44. Yobbo Says:

    Like I said distressed, it’s not that they are racist, they just treat everyone terribly.

    I am white as can be and they treat me no better.

  45. Brett Says:

    Qant ass. Why the bloody hell would ya? If I wanted to be spoken to by a cranky old bat and eat a shit microwave dinner I would go and see my mum.

  46. reka Says:

    Cuntas can get fucked. I fucking HATE them with a passion.

    Latest incident (of a LONG list)….

    Was boarding a flight from regional Queensland to Brisbane then on to Perth. As I’m a gold frequent flyer (not by choice, trust me), they SMS’d me earlier that morning to tell me my flight would be delayed by half an hour at least.

    Thanks for the heads up, Qantas. Maybe I’ve been too hard on you lately. You guys are alright.

    Got to the airport – they’ve downsized the plane.
    The last 8 passengers unfortunately won’t get a seat. As there are no available seats for the rest of the day from this Airport, you’ll need to depart from a nearby airport, 3 hours drive away. Fuck you very much.

    “Oh really? When does it leave?” I asked.

    “In 2.5 hours.” Was the reply. “That is the only flight for today”.

    All cars from the local rental company were booked, and there was no way I was going to make it to Brisbane in time to catch my connection to Perth. It looks like it was an overnighter in Brisbane for me.
    After about 10 more minutes of arguing, pleading and begging to throw one of the non frequent flying brisbane residents who didn’t pay full corporate rates off the flight proved fruitless, I finally resigned to the fact that Qantas were just being Qantas.

    “Can you book me a hotel close to the Airport then?”

    “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to arrange and pay for that yourself. Could you kindly step out of the line so the people behind you can check in.”

    Shove it up your arse, cockheads.

    Thanks for the blog, Yobbo. It’s good (but not surprising) to see I’m not the only one.

  47. Mel Burnian Says:

    I had the misfortune to inadvertantly fly Qantas again (Melbourne Europe return) recently. I say inadvertantly because I booked through British Airways and they code share with Qantas. Whilst this is now 2011, nothing has changed. I swear that ALL of the above criticisms of Qantas are correct. Their ground crew and especially cabin crew are exactly as described by others. They go out of their way to be rude and combative. They really try to provoke passengers and pick a fight. They are lazy, they don’t do their job and they would rather just chit chat amongst themselves than work which is what they are paid to do. I observed this again during all my flights. It is remarkable.

    People who defend Qantas have an agenda. They are either from Qantas themselves, hold Qantas shares (they don’t want to affect their returns) or, have misplaced their sense of nationalism. The usual method of defending Qantas is to attack the aggrieved passenger who dares to and bothers to complain. I have witnessed on board attempts by passengers to complain and it does not take long for the cabin crew response to be that the passenger is being disruptive etc.

    I say all this as an Australian citizen. I say all this as someone who has flown Qantas internationally and domestically. I say this as someone who in the past has flown them in Business Class as well as Economy. There is no difference. You might get the very rare exceptional cabin crew member on a flight who is ok but don’t be deceived, this is the very very rare exception rather than the rule. Qantas survives because it spends money on advertising campaigns to cover up appalling service and customers who dont know any better get fooled. They also survive because they milk Australian’s sense of patriotism by proclaiming themselves as being a part of our national identity (by rights this should be treason). Of course there is also their monopoly, without which they would be well and truly finished.

    If you are contemplating flying on a Qantas flight, please don’t do it to yourself. If you think it won’t happen to you, don’t fool yourself. Don’t think it is just some ‘troublesome’ passengers who ‘got what they deserved’. Qantas really are bad news. Being stuck on their planes long haul, with their lousy confrontational slack cabin crew service, is worse than terrible. Their cabin crew are really worse than animals. They don’t even deserve whatever it is that Qantas pays them. For you own sake fly any other airline that you can.

    BOYCOTT QANTAS
    2011

  48. Dissapointed QANTAS passenger Says:

    I’d like to extend a warm thanks to QANTAS for making me pay $20 each for seat allocation for the assurance that my wife and I could be seated together. As a bonus, we got to sit in row 9 (of a 737-800) that has no window! My flight was from Queenstown NZ, to Brisbane (via SYD). As it was my first visit to NZ I was quite looking forward to seeing the Alps on our departure. Too bad I guess. I wanted to try Air NZ on the way over and they were fantastic. We won’t be flying QANTAS internationally ever again. And on the SYD – BNE leg we were shoved onto an aging 737- 400. Both aircraft had been downsized from the original 767’s (we had booked a few months in advance). Coupled with two sets of very poorly behaved children (not QANTAS’s fault I guess) it was the worst flight we’d ever experienced. On a better note, great blog, seriously funny because it’s so true, even in 2011.

  49. Josh Says:

    Oh lawd came across this page typing in “qantas sucks.”

    Yes currently sitting at Perth airport with my flight to Melbourne cancelled because they needed a part which isn’t in perth… Useless pricks never flying with them again. I have a business meeting tonight which is the only reason I’m going. If I don’t get there in time, then I have spent money for absolutely nothing. Words cannot describe how angry I am right now.
    Fuck you qantas. You’ve lost me.

  50. A travel agent Says:

    Ive been working as a travel agent for 20 years. When i ask a passenger booking a flight if they have any preference with their airlines, i cant tell you how many people have said ” anyone but Qantas ” After also subjecting myself to the worlds rudest check in and flight crew on the planet i stopped flying with them a very very long time ago. They need to learn basic courtesy skills at the very least. Within the travel industry they are known as Cuntas….im not kidding🙂


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  52. castor chua Says:

    yeah, they suck… sure, they might be amongst the worst… but hey, they do represent the overall australian customer service experience pretty succinctly


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    • Chris Says:

      I have to agree with the article wholeheartedly. I used to work for these dickheads at the Tullamarine Maintenance facility. As staff we were treated worse than the average Joe on flights, we even got banned from flying for 12 months if the arshole old bitch trolley dollies didn’t like our clothing (for which you had to wear a fucking suit to even be allowed into business class if you even had the years of service to be allowed in). I had the honor of working at Ansett prior to Qantas, and I can say that government killed the wrong airline. Qantas has and always will be the devil, convincing people they are safe, they couldn’t be more dodge if they tried. I should know. Bunch of corrupt fucks who give jobs to the boys and fuck up the company from within with their own incompetence.

  55. One Last Time Says:

    Yup, after all these years they are still as bad – at least now they are losing money so there is a correlation between that and their lousy customer service.

    Latest episode of passive aggressive customer service was in Sydney domestic check-in desk where my luggage was 300 grams overweight and the bitch insisted that I remove items of clothing into my carry-on. Seriously, 300 grams? I was bewildered. I had to pause for a moment to decide whether to argue it or just do what she wants, because it is just about 300 grams. I could have taken a shit before boarding and would have lost more than 300 grams. At the end I decided not to bother arguing – I have a feeling that she and her colleague at the next counter was playing some sort of power-trip game to see what they could get away with.

    That was the last time I flew Qantas. I swear to myself I will never do it again.

  56. Marie Says:

    My last flight with Qantas was 2006 and that was from LAX to SYD. Was booked on the 12.30am flight, made our way to the airport at 8.30pm as we had to leave my sister’s place 2 hours away and wanting to make sure we had enough time to check, TSA checked and chilled out at the airport.
    At the airport, when we checked in, we were told that the 12.30am flight was cancelled and we had been bumped to the 10.15pm flight. Looking at our watches, it was 9.00pm and we thought, ‘great, we made it and will make back to Sydney earlier.’ But WAIT, check-in lady said, our names are not on the 10.15pm flight but rather 9.30pm flight and door closing in 10 minutes and no one in Qantas bothered to call us during the day!!!??? But WAIT, check-in lady told us, we were lucky to be on the new A380 aircraft! Yippee! NOT!
    Then came this mad rush of running through the terminal, having our luggages checked and boarded the aircraft with 2 minutes to spare!
    Guess what, flights in LAX was so packed that we were the 34th aircraft to take off and sat at the tarmac for 1.5 hours with no water or entertainment.
    Adding insult to injury, new A380 my A***, the whole section we were seated had an electronic problem and we sat in the dark and had no entertainment for 13 hours straight!!! Coupled by my poor hubby’s torn ligament and me with flu, we were squeezed in a three seat configuration with me on windon seat and my hubby in the middle seat and a guy who refused to get up and slept all the way through… We were truly suffering! But what did the hostie say: “sorry love but oh well…” shrugged his shoulders and off he went.
    When we landed in Sydney, we thought to ourselves that thank the good Lord, we are home and heaved a sigh of relief… Only to be confronted with crankly looking custom officers, long custom queues and ‘sheep shearing’ queues for quarantee…
    Sigh…. as we dropped our heads and shuffled along to be ‘searched’ for anything that smelt remotely illegal…

  57. jack Says:

    Australian customer service is generally shit. Qantas is no exception.

  58. Lincoln Says:

    I can’t stand QANTAS!! Always lengthy delays (unlike my experience with Virgin Blue which usually manages to get you to your destination early). But the worst of it is the smug and arragant employees of QANTAS, two traits which they seem to take pride in. This was back in 2008 but the QANTAS TV commercials even advertised the fact that they are an elitist and pompos airline with the arragant business man giving short and condescending responses to the “average Aussie” bloke who took another airline.

    I can’t remember the content of the commercials now but they were always the same two actors, one portrayed as a successful wealthy Australian businessman who always flew QANTAS and the other the struggling businessman (for want of a better word you could say “Aussie Battler”) who had a bad experience with another airline and had to be talked down to in a rude and condescending manner because he is “stupid” for flying with any other airline. You should be able to find the ad on youtube.

    I had a flight booked for 12.35 (SYD to MEL) and was told it was delayed for 8 hours!!! I was used to QANTAS delays by 1, 2 or 3 hours but this was getting radiculous but I grinded my teeth, didn’t complain and decided to hang around the airport and read my book. This was at the International Terminal, even though it was a national flight, so I lost all my aftershaves and other liquids that amounted to around $150. OK, fine…. lets just get to Melbourne. I get to the Gate and of course they say it is delayed again from 8.30pm to 10.00pm!! I get upset at this point and am particularly annoyed that the 2 people over the counter don’t even bother to raise their heads while telling people with a tone of annoyance of the delays (annoyance that passangers are wanting information from them).

    Cutting a long story short (and there is more) the plane never took of and I never recieved a promised refund of the tickets after emailing, faxing and phoning. I sincerely hope QANTAS goes bankrupt or bought out by someone else who knows what they are doing (foreign or domestic).


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  60. Atul Says:

    I am asian and have been racially discriminated on Qantas. Never flying on that airline ever….letting my entire social circle know about it. Sad that racist cabin crew can screw up the reputation of an airline soooo badly.

    I belong to a country of 1.2 billion and i am gonna make sure my voice is heard.

  61. Cameron Says:

    As much as I myself have had pleasant experiences with my very few encounters with QANTAS, I thoroughly enjoyed this article. I smirked as I knew what you were talking about with the news – I hate the news at the best of times, purely cos it’s usually horse shit disguised as interesting events. I couldn’t give two shits if James Packer punched some knob in the face – first leading story, not the 270 odd Nigerian kids missing?? Anyway a bit off topic.

    My shit experience was with Jetstar (derivative of QANTAS I’m sure you know) with cancelling a flight. Just inconvenient more than anything. I’m still fairly young at the travel game, maybe 16-20 total flights I’ve had.
    I have flown Singapore Air too, their Business class was amazing (thanks work). I actually got drunk on the plane and nearly missed my next plane due to my incoherent nature. They couldn’t give a fuck about RSA; at least they didn’t with me. I even played the game of changing stewards now and then so they would lose count of how many I had.
    The main pain point I saw from this story is exactly that – being told you had ‘had enough’. Like that even exists. I think we’re big boys now; we can cut ourselves off when we’ve had enough. No need for QANTAS to act as VISA border protection security and the fucking alcohol police at the same time.
    Anyway, enjoyed your article, and although I can’t say I’ve shared your pain, I don’t doubt your story was just a painful as you made it amusing to read about.

  62. Ohhh Cathay I looove you soo much Says:

    I just flew Bne-Syd-Shanghai return.. that being last week July 2014. I was only on a Qantas flight because I could not get a Cathay flight to meet a deadline in Shanghai.

    I am typing this to report that the aircraft the original writer mentions is still staffed by the fat old bitches and indeed is still the same aircraft that I flew in. It reminded me of the decor of a 1985 Greyhound bus only dirtier and more thread bare.

    The only difference is the “female” crew all wear trousers now and spend the time up the back discussing which facial moisturizer make them look younger.

    I was seated next to an elderly chap who had a leakage of the fecal variety from his incontinent pants.

    The crew would not assist him…. and when I asked to be seated elsewhere they refused stating the plane was “full”… after I pointed out that there were seats in business they refused still to move me. I then resorted to standing at the rear of the plane due to the smell..only to be told to return to my seat. I explained that the seat belt sign was not illuminated and I was free to move about the cabin – they had told me this on the pre flight briefing… I was told then that if I remained static then I was a “problem passenger”…code for we will ring Sydney ground etc etc… so basically i did circuits of the cabin for 7 hours.

    I am a regular traveler on this route… I always fly Cathay… on Cathay I would not even have had to ask to be moved, and the gentlemen would have been helped. Most of the aus pilots worth a damn are flying modern planes at Cathay anyway..maybe that’s why Qantas is struggling to find them.

    If I had shares in Qantas I would sell them now.

    Just pitiful

    • peter Says:

      You are a bogan fuckwit , go back to flying tiger. You are they kind of uneducated moron that makes me ashamed to live in Australia. Better still, why not move to Bali, there seems to be a lot of your kind their. Dumb, over wrought sense of entitlement, they list goes on.


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  64. SVC Says:

    Couldn’t agree more. Qantas are shit. They deserve to go broke.


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  67. The Turbinator Says:

    I find it hard to believe Quaint-Arse and Shit-Star are worse then Tiger?


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