Archive for January 2004

Be Excellent To Each Other!

January 29, 2004

John Howard has had a revelation: If people were nicer, less bad stuff would happen…

LEARNING better manners could help curb violence in the community and counter Australians’ feeling that the suburbs were no longer safe, Prime Minister John Howard said yesterday.

He said he believed that if Australians worked on fixing the small things, like being civil and polite to each other, bigger attitudinal changes would follow.

“Some Dickhead” has a more “academic” explanation:

Curtin University professor of cultural studies Jon Stratton said the real cause of rising violence was a decrease in egalitarianism, shown in harsh attitudes to asylum seekers and an emphasis on individuals and corporations rather than the community.

I wonder how many years of publically funded education it takes to be able to come up with bullshit like that…

Beer Un-Australian: Cops

January 29, 2004

Jonas at 85 George Street rightly takes a shot at the WA Police force for their pathetic attempt at “zero tolerance” on Australia day:

But what I think is a true blue fair dinkum example of being unAustralian is the cops and Government ganging up on people who just want to enjoy Australia Day and the Skyshow fireworks with a few cold cans in the park.

The West Orstrayan reports the WA Police enforced a zero tolerance policy on drinking in public on the Perth foreshore on Australia Day. Apparently, they promised a ?total alcohol ban?.

That?s ridiculous. First, we need to look at laws and the way they are enforced if 95% of people at the Skyshow were drinking (or wouldn?t have minded a drink, but were scared off by the police talking tough).

The cops and papers always get their knickers in a twist over the “alcohol-fuelled violence” that occurs whenever large groups of people pile into a restricted space and get on the piss. This line of thinking completely ignores the 99% of people who drink similar amounts yet do not engage in any violence.

As a result of the “riots” on the foreshore this year, police are calling for increased powers of search and the ability to confiscate alcohol from citizens even if it is still unopened in the package.

I have a proposition for the WA Police: Instead of asking for new laws, how about first trying enforcing the existing fucking laws and seeing how that goes first?

If people get violent, then maybe you should…. I don’t know, arrest them for assault, and charge them. As an additional experiment, we could actually try punishing them in the courts instead of giving them a slap on the wrist and passing some more anti-alcohol legislation.

The farce is only set to continue next year, with police demanding that all drinking be confined to roped off “licensed areas” to solve the problem. Great idea. Jack the price up a bit, pack people even closer together, and add some speed-addled bouncers. No recipe for violence there!

We’re All Lesbians Now

January 29, 2004

Males around the world today breathed a sigh of relief as Christina Aguilera revealed that she enjoys having sex with other chicks. The vital niche of lesbian teenage pop stars has been vacant since Tatu revealed that they were only in it for the publicity. To make this story more interesting, it also comes with pictures of Christina’s boobies. You little beauty.

Latham Lacks Lefty Love

January 29, 2004

I am unable to generate much hate for Mark Latham. He’s everything you want in a politician: Loud, Arrogant, and a master wordsmith. “A conga line of suckholes” is possibly the best slur uttered in parliament since the Keating days, and maybe even longer. He also has some affection for the free market. He’s not all bad.

Despite my embarassing confession, I still find it hard to understand why some fellow libertarians see Latham’s Labor as some kind of grand new cause to jump in behind. After all, for all his good points, Latham is still the leader of the Labor Party, and with that comes the demands of hundreds of frothing at the mouth leftists who’d like nothing better than to turn Australia into France.

MARK Latham faces his biggest leadership challenge today as he fights a frontbench revolt over refugee policy that threatens to split the ALP national conference in an election year.

The party’s Left faction, which commands around 40 per cent of the 397 conference votes, last night endorsed a radical overhaul of refugee policy. The bitter split threatens to overshadow Mr Latham’s health and education focus in his speech to the ALP conference, which is expected to include a multi-million-dollar dental health scheme for low-income earners and an overhaul of private school funding.

Labor frontbencher Anthony Albanese moved the motion in the Left caucus meeting to endorse Labor for Refugee’s policy position, to release asylum seekers from detention, abolish Temporary Protection Visas for refugees and restore Christmas Island to Australia’s migration zone.

With his hard-as-nails image, filthy mouth, and occasional dalliance with the old ultra-violent, Mark Latham reminds me of another fantastic politician who we all know and love. Wilson, unfortunately, is getting old, and is no longer physically able to pursue hippie fucktards through the forest in Manjimup with baseball bats. The Liberal party is where Latham’s youthful enthusiasm belongs. Come over to the dark side!

Ungrateful Cretins

January 25, 2004

I’ve been overlooked again.

“The Last Samurai” – Review

January 24, 2004

10 second movie review:

This movie should be called “Dances with Samurai”. It also has ninjas. That is all.


January 24, 2004

The title says it all. We’re a match made in heaven.

Bush (R): 100%
Lieberman (D): 71%
Clark (D): 56%

Do you love BUSH as much as me? Try the US presidential match quiz!

Tuckey Update

January 24, 2004

It’s been far too long since Wilson Tuckey got a mention here. While Paris Hilton stalks me in my comment boxes, the guys over at Blair’s are providing more material for the Tuckey fan club scrapbook:

OT when Wilson Tuckey was Federal Minister for Forests a few years back he received a number of letters and pictures from a primary school class regarding timber harvesting, specifically the evils of killing trees and if you cut trees all the animals will all die and have nowhere to live(!?), complete with pictures of cut trees, dead animals evil loggers with oversized chainsaws ? you get the drill.

Not to leave a wrong un-righted the Minister took the time to visit the class in question and dispel some of the greenie myths and inform them of some salient facts regarding forest management, fire hazard reduction, etc. From what I?m told the session degenerated into a bit of a heated argument between the teacher and the Minister in front of the class, the Minister confronted the teacher by refuting the claim that ?all the little birdies die when you cut a tree down? where the teacher vehemently denied that she told her young class this, a child up the back piped up ? ?yes you did Miss??

The man is a national living treasure.

Need More Money For Subverting Cultural Paradigms

January 22, 2004

The CEO of the Sydney Theatre Company has blasted John Howard in a savage attack on his Arts credentials. The Liberal bigwigs are probably in session right now, trying to figure out how to deal with the devastating downturn in support likely to result.

The chief executive of the Sydney Theatre Company asked: “Why is it appropriate for these athletes to perform as elites, and for the nation to celebrate them, led by our genuinely enthusiastic Prime Minister, if it is not similarly appropriate that our artists perform as elites, be seriously celebrated and funded, so that we might produce artists of the same level of excellence?”

Well Robyn, I just don’t know. Could it possibly be that PEOPLE LIKE WATCHING ATHLETES, you fatuous moron? Maybe the fact that the Sport pages are threatening to take over my local paper entirely, while Arts gets a half-page spread by some washed-up poofter every Monday, might alert you to the fact that nobody cares about your tedious drivel.

Ms Nevin, an actress for 42 years, a director for 20 and a producer for seven, said she often told taxi drivers she was a housewife. She said: “I need to believe I am useful to the community, or the 42 years doing it will be hard to justify to myself.”

Yeah, it’d be terrible to think you’ve simply sucked money out of taxpayers and done nothing of substance for 42 years. Quick, pop a Valium and do some breathing exercises before that thought takes hold.

Dissent Uncrushed

January 22, 2004

The Israeli flag is back on his office door at ANU. Seems like their attempt at crushing dissent brought a little more heat than they could bear. Poor luvvies.