Archive for February 2004

Responsible Drinking Tips #1

February 29, 2004

When hosting a party, do not serve your guests bourbon and coke in a wax paper bucket designed for holding chips. Not only do they begin to leak after about 5 minutes, but your guests may find themselves with disgusting wax stuck to the roof of their mouths.


Yes, I’m talking to you.

Quiz Biz

February 27, 2004

It’s an election year, find out who you should vote for! If you haven’t taken the Australian Political Quiz yet, get to it.

Who’s Bad Now?

February 26, 2004

Right Wing News took a poll of bloggers to find out the worst 20 people of the 20th century. All the usual suspects are there. However, I’m a little surprised at the low ranking of Kim Jong Il.

I’d give him a run in the starting line up ahead of Arafat, Saddam and even Osama at this stage. I shudder to think what they’ll find in the remnants of North Korea when it all comes crumbling down.

In any case, I think he’s going to be a shoe-in for the number 1 spot in the 21st century. Saddam’s already gone, Osama and Arafat won’t last much longer. Kim could be there for a long time yet…

No-Talent Ass Clown Turns 50

February 26, 2004

In commemoration of Michael Bolton’s 50th birthday today, I recommend that all readers go and rent Office Space. And, in commemoration of what would have been Johnny Cash’s 72nd birthday, treat yourself to a bottle of bourbon while you’re at it.

Wat doen jy?

February 26, 2004

Welcome to Perth, or as we like to call it, New Johannesberg:

POLICE are urging motorists to lock their car doors as routinely as they fasten their seatbelts in a bid to ensure they are not victims of violent carjackings.

Acting Insp. Mike Gough said yesterday that motorists should also be aware of their surroundings and people who appeared to be stranded, amid growing fears that Johannesburg-style carjackings could be increasing in Perth.[…]

In the latest carjacking, the son of a Koondoola newsagent shot three times last month during an armed robbery was held at knifepoint on Monday before thieves stole $9000 from him.

About three weeks earlier, members of an African street gang armed with guns and knives were behind a carjacking spree during which a female driver of one car was abducted, a male driver of another car bashed, and several cars rammed.

Does this count as multiculturalism?

Qantas Arseholes Nick Tickets And Seats

February 26, 2004

Qantas was recently voted best airline of the year.

Air Transport World selected the airline, praising its focus on excellence in the air and its higher profit margins despite industry instability caused by world events such as the SARS outbreak and September 11.

It’s amazing what being a federally protected monopoly and skimping on basic standards of service will do for your bottom line, eh? A more likely explanation for the good result is that the award was voted by Qantas employees, who have a great little scam going…

Crikey reports that the rorting is reaching the point where staff are making fake bookings in order to reserve seats for themselves on flights:

It seems like the staff at Qantas are expressing their unhappiness through misuse of staff travel. Check out this memo that went out to staff on Monday afternoon:

Message – Breaches of Staff Travel Policy

Due to several recent incidents, I would like to remind all employees that the following practices are serious breaches of Staff Travel Policy:

1. Creation of ‘phantom’ commercial bookings to “protect” (ie block from sale) seats for staff travel use.

2. Manipulation of the staff travel onload/upgrade priority in the reservations or departure control systems.

3. Travel by a beneficiary who is no longer eligible for staff travel but holds a ticket issued before eligibility status was removed.

4. Adding, as a travel beneficiary, a person who has been dismissed from Qantas, or is currently suspended from the use of Staff Travel.

Perhaps resident Qantas shill “Mike” can let us all know how things are going down there and how it’s really just all a big media beat up. And that Qantas is the best airline in the world and anyone who says otherwise is just a whinger.

*Thanks to reader Daniel for the tip off on the Qantas award.

Alert: Nerd Post

February 24, 2004

A short discussion has led to an in principle agreement on the 5 best PC games of all time, as decided by myself and a few other ratbags. If you are stuck for something to do one day, you wouldnt be far wrong to get onto Kazaa and download one of these. You know, just for backup purposes.

1. Sid Meier’s Civilization (Parts 1, 2 and 3)

THE greatest game of all time, without a doubt. It only got better with every new version. If you haven’t played Civ before, don’t start now. It will possibly ruin your life.

2. X-Wing

It came out around 1992, and the only thing that surpasses it to this day are the updated versions (Specifically “X-Wing vs Tie Fighter”, which is still one of the most played online games). You get to blow up the deathstar at the end.

3. Dune 2: Battle for Arrakis

The first real-time strategy game, about 5 years ahead of its time. I never read or was at all interested in the Frank Herbert series, but this game was too engrossing and atmospheric to ignore. It spawned 1000 imitations, many of which (like Warcraft and Command and Conquer) sit at the top of most game countdowns. The entire game is only about 5 MB. I suggest you download it and try it yourself.

4. Heroes of Might and Magic. (parts 2 and 3)

I’m not sure what it is about this game that makes it so addictive. Possibly it’s the gambling aspect. The rush you get when a horde of halflings decides to join your party is like injecting something straight into your eyeball.

5. Doom (1 and 2)

You get to cut dudes to bits with a chainsaw. Enough said.

All decisions are final and anyone disagreeing with me will be summarily ignored.

Fat Phil Fisked

February 24, 2004

Phillip Adams finally got his day on Media Watch, but not without some preliminary work to point out that right-wingers are still the kings and queens of evil:

The verb “to albrecht” meaning to lift and twist – entered the language a couple of years ago when we reported columnist Janet Albrechtsen lifting and twisting academic sources to suit her purposes.

Now ABC broadcaster Phillip Adams has been nabbed albrechting in his column in The Australian. His victim? The president of the United States.

Professor Bunyip also gets a mention, along with his URL! How many hits does a mention on Media Watch get you these days?

A Fined Gesture

February 24, 2004

Due to unforseen circumstances, (The pub’s TV was on the wrong channel) I missed most of the ODI between Australia and Sri Lanka on Sunday. Luckily, a venue change to a pub with numerous TVs meant that I got to catch the last over bowled by Chaminda Vaas. A good finish to what seemed like an otherwise uneventful game.

The post-match highlights were a little weird, though. Andy Symonds was given out, started to walk off, then came back to the crease. What the hell happened? Did the captain call him back? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that in an international. In fact, I’ve never seen it.

What actually happened was even stranger. The umpire called Symonds back, after realising that his decision was a little, how do you say..Shithouse?

But seconds after raising his finger, doubt had spread across Manuel’s face. He consulted first with Billy Bowden, his eccentric but cool-headed partner, and then turned to Atapattu. “He told me that he believed that he had made a mistake and that he wanted to call Symonds (now over half way back to the pavilion) back. He asked me whether I would have a problem with that and I said no. It was obvious to us he [Symonds] had hit the ball and this is a game after all ? we have to look after its spirit. We were all happy with the decision.”

I don’t believe I’ve ever seen this in any game of cricket in any level. The usual attitude of the umpire is “It’s only a game, and I’m not going to admit I fucked up, so you are out. End of story.” It seemed that this Manuel was made of bigger stuff than most. Until today.

SRI LANKAN umpire Peter Manuel has dramatically charged Australian players Adam Gilchrist and Andrew Symonds with dissent for the protests that prompted him to change his mind in Sunday’s one-day game at Dambulla.

Gilchrist and Symonds will appear before match referee Mike Procter in Colombo tonight on misconduct charges for venting their frustration after Manuel’s flawed lbw decision against Symonds in the second one-day international between Australia and Sri Lanka.

I don’t understand his logic here. He made a shit decision, which Gilchrist and Symonds protested. He saw their point, and changed the decision. Now, even though he admitted they were right by reversing it, he is still going to bring them up on dissent?

On an unrelated note…Seeing as I didn’t watch the game, can someone give me an idea of what the thinking was behind demoting Gilchrist to 6 and opening with Clarke?

Niall’s New Plan

February 22, 2004

Niall’s “block everyone from reading my blog” plan has, not surprisingly, backfired. The whole point of being an attention seeking idiot is that you let people actually give you some attention. They can’t do that if your site is password protected. So, his new plan is even more cunning:

Full access to this blog requires a one-time-only registration as a reader. This does not require your email address or any other protocol which might open you to spambots. Once on my ‘user list’ your access becomes seamless. If this is inconvenient, I apologise, however, blame the idiots of the Australian blogging community for this resort, not me.

Perfect! Niall is now protected from the “idiots”. (i.e. Myself, Gravett, Murph, Habib, Corr, Blair, Parish, anyone who’s ever criticised him for anything etc) However, he can still continue to get those multitudes of readers interested by viewing the title and first sentence of each post! And, as we all know, Niall’s work is both compelling AND thought provoking. His work runs the full gamut from “John Howard and right wingers are idiots” to “I hate slanty-eyed fucks”.

If I was him, I’d make each user pay a $25 a month registration fee. Why give that sort of quality away?