Martial Law Imminent In WA

The weather is a constant 40c and the air is full of moisture. A violent monsoon strikes at 7pm, but is gone a half-hour later. Citizens, sweating in their homes, are commanded by the administrators to operate only those appliances which are necessary for survival. The government threatens those who disobey with hefty punishments.

Suharto’s Indonesia?

Communist Vietnam?

No, fellow travellers. It’s just good old Western Australia, where the black kids have a curfew and air conditioners are BANNED.

WA is today facing an unprecedented electricity supply crisis after Western Power last night banned the use of air-conditioners in homes and offices and ordered a total shutdown of virtually all industry.

Blaming soaring electricity use in the midst of the heat wave, Western Power ordered West Australians to stop using power wherever possible.

It is believed to be the first time West Australians have been ordered to stop using power other than in cases where industrial action has restricted Western Power’s generating capacity.

“They should be cutting it back to sensible requirements,” a Western Power spokesman said. “Everybody has a part to play otherwise they will be cut off anyway.”

He said air-conditioners in offices with no windows should be turned off, but fans should be left on.

Under a special law enforced after an emergency meeting of Western Power officials yesterday, people who do not obey the instructions face a $1000 fine. Companies face fines of up to $10,000.

If electricity demand exceeds supply, suburb-by-suburb blackouts will be enforced.

>From the front page of the analogue version of The West, here’s what you can’t do in Western Australia this week:

  • Air conditioning and water heaters must not be used, unless required for the treatment of an illness or the comfort of persons suffering from an illness.
  • Cooking is limited to the use of one hot plate, oven, grill or microwave appliance at a time.
  • Internal lighting is limited to two rooms at a time. External lighting must not be used.
  • Refrigeration (including deep freezing) must not be used except to the extent absolutely necessary to prevent loss or deterioration of food. (isn’t that the whole fucking purpose of refrigeration?)
  • Water reticulation and swimming pool pumps must not be used and automatic time switches must be turned off.

Faithful readers will be happy to know that I have violated all of these new commandments from the Gallop government, which (as of today) I no longer recognise as the legitimate government of this state.

In fact, as of right now – 3am Wednesday morning – My air conditioner is still on.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, GALLOP?

In addition, I have the TV on and IM NOT EVEN WATCHING IT!

Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!
Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!
MOTHERFUCKER!

*(please don’t take away my bread rations)

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