Australia Under Attack – Worthless Credentials Needed

ASIO is on the recruitment trail. Just the perfect opportunity for a young RWDB who’s allergy to grass prevented him from joining the RAAF. Or so you’d think…

Given the challenging and complex nature of our work, we are looking for people with sound judgement, who excel at both critical thinking and communication.

More specifically, you would have:

• The ability to talk with, and listen to, people from all cultures and walks of life.
• Conceptual skills which allow you to discern the big picture.
• Critical thinking and research skills, which enable you to accurately fill the gaps.
• The ability to write reports which are clear, concise, comprehensive and tailored to your readers.

You should also be confident, versatile, mentally resilient and prepared to undergo extensive background checks, as well as security and psychological assessments.

Sounds right up my alley. Just one more thing though:

Other than the general profile above, you will need:

A four-year degree (or the equivalent) – in any discipline.

Credentialism at it’s finest. I’m not eligible to apply, but a recent graduate of any discipline – which presumably includes women’s studies or surfing science – is.

You don’t need a degree to be an intelligence officer in the ADF. Why do you need one to be an intelligence officer at ASIO?

Welcome

Say G’day to the new home of Yobbo. Gravett special ops came to me in the night, tied me up and forced me to watch “A Current Affair” repeats until I caved into their demands. The result: A Yobbo’s View is now a member of the Gravett empire, and I have an overwhelming desire to secretly videotape dodgy mechanics. Hey…check out the arse on that chick below!

So….

For no reason in particular, I have decided to post a photo of this Japanese girl’s half-naked ass. Any questions?

See Choco In The Flesh

For those who are interested, Scarborough Cricket Club 7th grade plays off in the grand final this weekend. And it’s a derby, if you don’t mind. Repasted from the SMCC Web Site:

The SMCC 7th Grade are in the Grand Final vs Karrinyup at Karrinyup Reserve (Bartlett Cres, Karrinyup) this coming weekend ( 27th & 28th March 04 from 12.45pm (the game starts half an hour earlier than normal). All players, ex players and supporters welcome. We hope to see you there.

Spectators are advised to arrive early. “H” is opening the batting.

The team (in probable batting order):

Choco
“H”
Vinnie Bin Laden
Keg
Craig “Sex God” Groth
Icky
Hamish McSheth
Spotty
Bero
Hugh Jarse
Junior
Painter (12th man)

Drinks will be available for purchase from the esky. All spectators are advised to please drink responsibly*.

* If you can still walk by 3pm, you’re a fucking girl’s blouse!

Tomacco Still 2 Years Off

We like our plants in WA. Posession and cultivation of marijuana has been decriminalised as of yesterday:

FROM today, possession of small amounts of cannabis might not be considered a crime in WA.

At a police officer’s discretion, a person can have up to 30g and still avoid a criminal record, instead paying a fine up to $150 and going to compulsory drug education classes.

Might not?

And a household will be allowed to grow two cannabis plants without the occupants facing criminal charges. They will be fined $200 and have to go to drug education classes.

Ching Ching!

In other horticulture news, Gallop has knocked GM trials on the head until 2006. I guess not all plants are harmless:

THE West Australian Government yesterday bowed to opponents of genetically modified agriculture, officially declaring no genetically modified food crops would be grown anywhere in the State until at least 2006.

You can still grow non-food crops though, right? There’s an issue that could tear the Greens apart at the seams. Get the drug legalisation lobby behind GM Marijuana.

Frankenbongs!

They could splice some pineapple genes into it or something. Buds the size of pineapples. FILTH! Coconut genes? Tie your hammock between your 2 dope palms and relax rasta-style while drinking bong juice straight from the nut. Cruisy maaaate.

The Liberals could even get on the act here. All you need to is splice some dope genes into a Karri and start planting them all around Pemberton. Before you know it, there’d be armies of ferals at parliament house demanding they be harvested.

All Positions Filled

I’m probably gonna cop all sorts of flack from this, but I’m drunk so who cares eh?

Here’s the supposedly true story from a source I cannot verify in any way. Protagonists are some AFL football players and some girls. Via the email rumour mill. Names edited, but you know who it’s about, right?

Got the full story this morning lads….

Girl 1 (who has been with L before) texts him 8 times on sunday night to
meet. Girl 1 said she had a friend with her, so they drove to met L
at the pub and teamed girl 2 up with S. The girls then drove the
2 boys back to L’s place, went straight to separate bedrooms and had a
root.

After that, all ended up in one bedroom and decided to swap, so then L
and girl 2 went to his bedroom and had a root. Girl 1 did not want to
have a root with S as he had no condoms, but gave him a head job
instead.

Girl 1 then went to girl 2 and demanded that they leave. The
girls had a big blue which carried on out into the driveway, at which
time “K” was coming home with girl 3. They saw the girls arguing.

The next morning girl 1 text L to say sorry she acted like a slut.
The rest is history – the police have L’s mobile with all text messages
still on it.

Let the deletion begin!

Peugot New Weapon Against Al-Qaida

Best excuse ever ™ for road rage comes to you today from France:

A driver in Montpellier, France, has been convicted for trying to run over a pedestrian he mistook for fugitive al-Qaeda boss Osama Bin Laden.
A court gave the 35-year-old man – named as Pierre, a struggling artist – a three-month suspended sentence.

His victim ran from the oncoming car, escaping injury when the vehicle slammed into the side of the street.

“It wasn’t Bin Laden,” the driver’s lawyer, David Mendel, said. “If it was, we would have won US$5 million.”

Let’s hope the French version of the Australia Council recognises this talented man’s protest at the corporatisation of justice and the biting commentary on the isolation of modern society. Or something. At least give him free meds.

Very Good Mr Gilly

Scott isn’t a big fan, but I have to agree with Peter Roebuck on yesterday’s first session in Kandy. Not bowling Gillespie was puzzling to say the least, especially as Kasprowicz was bowling rubbish and getting slapped everywhere. Hasn’t he ever bowled to a tailender before?

Nevertheless, it was entertaining stuff. Watching Murali bat provides endless amusement for the real cricketers in the commentary box, but to a park cricketer like myself…Well, I see those kinds of shots every week, and it’s not unusual for them to be played by me or, indeed, off my bowling. The old flat bat over mid-off is a personal favourite of mine.

Chaminda Vaas also did an extremely good job. I’m a big Vaas fan in any case, usually for his bowling, but there’s nothing a fast bowler loves more than seeing one of his brothers stick it up the supposed batsmen by making them all look like amateurs.

The real highlight of yesterday was the return to form of Adam Gilchrist. Once again Peter Roebuck called this one right. Gilly has been struggling trying to begin his innings against spin. He seems to need to feel bat coming onto the ball for a while to get his radar set, after which he can club them over the fence with few problems. That’s exactly what happened yesterday. Murali turned a couple about 6 feet which he missed by a long way, but I don’t think any batsman is going to have much luck with that sort of delivery.

The performance of Gilly at #3 yesterday raises some serious questions, at least according to the barstool selectors down at the Nookemburra yesterday. Would Australia be better served by batting him higher all the time? He certainly plays well at the top in the one dayers.

Send Money

Obviously Afghanistan’s defence forces aren’t being paid enough:

AN Afghan soldier was detained by police after being caught having sex with a donkey in southeastern Afghanistan, a police officer said today.

The soldier was discovered with the donkey in an abandoned house in a small village of Gardez, the capital of Paktia province, last week, a local police officer said.[…]

The soldier claimed he committed the act because he did not have enough money to get married.

Try renting.

Surely Not

France bashing: Justified or just getting carried away?

You decide…

China and France will hold rare joint naval exercises off the mainland’s eastern coast on Tuesday, just four days before Beijing’s rival, Taiwan, holds presidential elections.

Conrad has more.