Coming soon in large marble tablet form to a pub near you: The Men Commandments. Here are a few teasers:
4.) If you’ve known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.
14.) Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat.
35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “FUCK OFF!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.
And an extra special one for a certain West Coast player:
37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.