Via the email:
1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: “So how’s your wife & my kids?”
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. “Looks like you spent it eating,” Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: “Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?” “Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit,” Brandes replied.
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: “You can’t fucking bat”.
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t fucking bat & you can’t fucking bowl.”
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: “Tickets please”, Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn’t say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. “This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl.” Merv didn’t reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: “In my culture we just say fuck off.”
7. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: “It’s red, round & weighs about 5 ounces.” Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: “you know what it looks like, now go find it.”
8. And of course you can’t forget Ian Healy’s legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney… “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt!!!”
9. Can’t remember the player or the exact details but went something like Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark – “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now”. Kiwi – (Turning around) – “Yeah, that’s me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb cunt”.