Archive for June 30, 2004

I’m Lovin’ It

June 30, 2004

Pete Kerr on fast food advertising:

I had a dream, that one day my nieces and nephews would sit down to watch Videos Hits and see 50 Cent rapping about being a pimp, and his mates banging on about how real men carry guns, sell drugs and keep women in sexual slavery, without them seeing any harmful KFC commercials.

Word.

FISH MURDER RATE UP

June 30, 2004

Animals more important than humans? Well, the endangered ones certainly are, according to fanatical conservationists:

An Australian diver who says he speared a grey nurse shark in self-defence faces charges for killing an endangered species.

“It was either the shark or me,” the unidentified man told the Daily Telegraph.

A New South Wales state fisheries officer found the spear fisherman on a beach north of Sydney with a dead 10kg grey nurse shark on June 9.

Now this guy’s “self defence” story doesn’t really add up. First of all, 10kg is a pretty damn small shark, especially for a grey nurse which have quite wide bodies. They grow well into the hundreds of kilograms.

Secondly, killing the shark in self-defence doesn’t really explain why you’d want to drag it up the beach on the end of your spear, unless you really, really wanted to make sure it was dead.

Let’s get serious, though. You don’t need to plead “self defence” when accused of killing a shark. It’s a fucking fish, people! And, self defence or not, I can quite easily believe that the guy killed it because he thought it was going to eat him.

After all, the “harmless”* Grey Nurse doesn’t look particularly harmless while in the water. Look:

sandtiger10c.jpg

When looking at something like that, my reaction would be to spear first and ask questions later. Dunno about you, but I shit myself if I see a stingray or even a squid while snorkelling, let alone an actual shark with actual teeth. Fuck that for a joke.

* Describing a carnivorous shark that grows to over 3 metres long with long, pointy teeth as “harmless” is completely ridiculous. I’d like to see a greenie put their hand in the fucker’s mouth. The guys who feed the grey nurse sharks at the WA Aquarium at Hillarys wear mail gloves when feeding them, and those ones are tame. Harmless my arse.

Metmucil Me

June 30, 2004

Imre Salusinszky tries the all-McDonalds diet, and surprisingly doesn’t die:

Six years ago, with the help of GutBusters, I reduced my weight from 98kg to 80kg. I’ve always wanted to lose the extra two kilos to make it a round 20, but never imagined it would be Ronald McDonald who would get me over the line.

In addition, he attempts to one-up Morgan Spurlock’s projectile vomiting in Super-Size Me by talking incessantly about poop:

My firm regular stools were simply a bonus.

Don’t encourage Emma Tom, please.