Archive for July 1, 2004

Life Imitates Porn II

July 1, 2004

You can thank Tony for this one:

A teacher in a Zimbabwe elementary school has been suspended for giving unruly pupils a choice between being caned or suckling her breasts.

Apparently, 14 of the teacher’s third-graders chose the latter, the Zimbabwe Herald reported Tuesday.


One student told his parents he was given the choice between 100 lashes with a cane or suckling his teachers’ breasts for talking during class.

All I can say is, she must be real fucken ugly if it was a choice between a hundred lashes and the titties. Something like the landlady from Kingpin comes to mind.

Anyhow, that’s secretaries and teachers already this week, can someone point me in the direction of the nurses?

Abtholutely Thuperfish

July 1, 2004

Ian Thorpe obviously isn’t giving enough face time to channel 9 staff:

Now, as Ian Thorpe launches his latest male underwear collection today, the Olympic swimmer will learn he is part of a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy send-up set to air on Channel 9.

While the nation’s wonderboy is spared a role as part of the Fab Five in the series premiere of Comedy Inc, an arm-waving, lookalike in a set of pearls becomes the target of the team’s tjuzing.

As the team gets to work on his apartment, they’re shocked to find a library of Kylie Minogue, George Michael and Barbra on Broadway CD’s.

As “Carson” eyeballs his walk-in wardrobe, the Thorpie lookalike responds: “I’ve divided it into 27 basic sections … formal, semi-formal, designers …”

What would Brian Boitano do?


July 1, 2004

The South Korean government has gone into dissent-crushing overdrive in an attempt to stop anyone in Korea from downloading the video or pictures of the murder of Korean hostage Kim Sun-il.

In its fervour, it firstly blocked the blogger domain from being viewed from inside Korea, followed closely by and typepad. Korean blogger Marmot is not impressed:

The cyber fascists at the Ministry of Information and Communications have shut down Typepad blogs, too. I’m on the verge of walking across the street and throwing eggs at MIC headquarters. No notification, no reasons given… not even a list of sites they’ve decided to ban. I have no clue how long this is going to last, so don’t ask.

And again, I reiterate, fuck you, MIC.

To help out, I have prepared a personal message to the Korean Ministry of Information and Culture, which I learned from playing crappy mmorpgs: Imi shimi pet pojida!