Last night I was ejected from the “Elephant and Wheelbarrow” hotel in Northbridge. According the bouncer who ejected me I was too drunk to be in there.
Why he thought this I wasn’t sure, because I was in quite fair condition and the pub was very busy, which makes me wonder how he decided from amongst the crowd of people in there that I was drunk enough to warrant eviction.
Three ideas:
1. Because I am tall, maybe he saw my head bobbing above the crowd and short man syndrome kicked in.
2. My slanted eyes may have given me the appearance of being sleepy.
3. Maybe I tripped over while he was looking at me or something, but I certainly don’t remember anything like that happening.
Anyway, while I was at the bar waiting for service, the bouncer walked up to me and tried the old trick of saying “Can I just talk to you outside for a moment”? Which is a ploy designed to get you closer to the door so they can muscle you out faster when they inform you that you are ejected.
I replied simply that if he wanted to “talk to me”, he could do so right here. If on the other hand he wanted to eject me, I wanted to know for what reason.
He gave no reason and simply called for 2 more bouncers and the largest of them armlocked me and forced-marched me out the door. I offered no resistance of any kind.
Once outside the pub I stood around waiting for my friends who were still inside on the dance floor. (bouncers rarely eject anyone in a group, they wait until you are alone at the bar or going to the toilet, because they are cowards).
The same bouncer who had ejected me was standing on the door and told me that I couldn’t wait outside the pub for my friends. I informed him that on the contrary, I certainly could and I would be waiting just where I was for as long as I pleased.
He threatened to call the police, I let him know I wasn’t concerned if he did because I had done nothing wrong and was continuing to do nothing wrong, except really annoy one insecure little bouncer.
The police were called and asked me to move on. I said to the police that I had done nothing wrong and was waiting for my friends. I said that they had no right to ask me to leave a public footpath when I had neither committed nor was likely to commit any crime.
The police then officially issued me a move-on notice (which stated I had to leave the area bounded by Roe, Beaufort, Fitzgerald and Newcastle streets, aka Northbridge) and said they would be back in 5 minutes, at which I would be arrested if I hadn’t left Northbridge altogether.
I informed them again that I had committed no crime and wouldn’t be moving. They came back 5 minutes later and bundled me into a paddy wagon and took me to Curtin House. They stuck me in the lockup with an accused drug dealer called Lenny while approxiamately 6 police officers attempted to find out exactly what kind of drugs he was carrying. When I was processed and bailed about 40 minutes later they still hadn’t worked it out.
I am due to appear in court on November 9. The charge on my bail undertaking is “Suspects and others may be ordered to move on”. Until then I am not allowed to go into Northbridge.
The maximum penalty for this charge is $12,000 fine or equivalent prison time.
I was also issued a $100 on the spot infringement notice for “failing to leave licensed premises on request”, a notice I will also be contesting because I was already out of the licensed premises when police arrived.
Any advice on how to tackle these two cases would be much appreciated.
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