The End Of Beerstory

Over the life of this blog I have written a lot of posts about the pitiful state of the nightlife scene in Perth. Unfortunately, due to my server migration, most of those posts are still languishing in my archives on my hard drive waiting to be uploaded, so they aren’t readable at the moment.

In any case anyone who lives here knows that it’s shit and getting worse every day. The July 1 smoking ban killed off a couple more of the last remaining good pubs in Perth, and going there now is like going to a funeral.

I guess in part my idiocy last weekend was a subconcious resignation that it’s over. I knew the night was over after being ejected from the Elephant, there simply isn’t anywhere else worth going (and many would say the Elephant’s not that hot either, but we can agree to disagree).

Then, on the Friday just gone, three of my friends (including my flatmate) went down to our local boozer, the Stamford Arms. I stayed home. A huge melee broke out not long after they arrived, 2 of my friends were king hit and my flatmate was stabbed in the back with a broken bottle. All three turned up to cricket the next day very sore and sorry for themselves. My flatmate spent 4 hours in casualty, but is ok after a few stiches. His clothes are soaked in blood.

The police closed the pub at 11:30pm.

This is the last straw for me. Our own local, once a fairly reasonable drinking hole, has become a wasteland, filled with angry bogans and devoid of women. The 2 other pubs on the Scarborough foreshore have been closed for months, with no notice as to when (if ever) they will reopen.

Northbridge is a war zone, and even on the off chance you do manage to avoid being beaten or robbed, then you can just end up like me and be ejected for no reason by bouncers and police who are understandably paranoid about the entire situation. It is entirely fucked.

For this reason I have decided that my punishment wasn’t severe enough. I am imposing a curfew on myself for the next month. I will not be in any pub in Perth after the hour of 9pm. In fact I will probably not be going to any pub at all except for the Nookemburra, who are our cricket club sponsors.

I will be doing all my drinking at the cricket club or in private residences until my 30th birthday, which is on the 23rd of December.

At that point I will reassess, but I really can’t see any reason why I would want to go out in Perth again this summer. It’s just a fucking shithole.

Explore posts in the same categories: Personal

31 Comments on “The End Of Beerstory”

  1. dez Says:

    Only one solution … house party!

    Sorry, two solutions … move.

    In Sydney, people never fight one anotherđŸ˜›

  2. mpj Says:

    Group of friends, boom box, picnic food, Kings Park.

  3. hc Says:

    It doesn’t sound dull. Just violent.

  4. fremantle Says:

    You could try Little Creatures, Sail and Anchor or The Norfolk in Fremantle, The Queens in Mt Lawley, Brass Monkey in Northbridge, or Moon ‘n Sixpence in Perth, Steve’s in Nedlands, Fiber McGees in Leederville, heard good things about the Belgian Beer Cafe. It’s been a while since I’ve been out in Perth.

    It is a little dull though in Perth for nightlife and decent pubs, one of the reasons i’m going to struggle when I eventually decide to return from London, whose nightlife is superb, varied and generally non-violent, not like the nights I remember at dives like Metropolis in Fremantle, where it would be a strange evening for there not to be a brawl.

  5. Gareth Says:

    Yobs, I’m a bit worried about your sample: Scarborough and Northbridge.

    Lie with dogs, catch fleas, etc..

  6. AD Says:

    Shit, is that why I am scratching myself, its the fleas on scarborough beach. Bullshit, its the best beach in the world.

  7. Nic White Says:

    Yeah I was going to say, do you think much of Fremantle? Apparently Leederville is alright too but I’ve only been to the hotel and only once.

    Dunno wtf is up with Perth. Probably it’s too small so the wankers aren’t spread out enough.

  8. yobbo Says:

    It’s impossible to leave Fremantle after the pubs shut, so for that reason we never go.


  9. Last time I was in Perth was 20 years ago. Looks like nothing has changed.

  10. The Don Says:

    Yobbo,

    I am beginning to think you got arrested on purpose, guaranteeing a forced absence from Northbridge.
    Although the fact is cost you $400, which equates to 150odd EBs at Brian’s bar puts a rather big hole in my theory.

  11. Tim K Says:

    Gday Sam.
    I blame Generation Y for the death of nightlife. They have had it too good for too long. What we need is another recession to sort these fuckers out.

  12. jimmy cracorn Says:

    save up some of the devil’s dunny paper and come live in melbourne ya dickhead! sure the weather’s not as nice as perth, but everything else is (or better). am i biased? you bet!

  13. Nic White Says:

    It’s not hard to be better than Perth.

  14. Rob Says:

    When are you going to start blogging again, Nic?

  15. ben Says:

    yep…people in perth should have to get a licence to drink, just like where i live (doha, qatar)…i was visiting perth last week, went to a gig, and my mate got punched for no reason other than complaining to the dickhead who was pouring beer over his head…am quite glad to be back in the middle-east if thats ‘the norm’ in perth.

  16. LooneyC Says:

    I once had a girlfriend who hailed from Perth, had had a problem with drugs, I went to Perth and then I knew why.

  17. jimC Says:

    In early 1978 I got to spend 12 days in Perth on leave from the US navy. I still have very warm feelings for the city and its people. A family I am ashamed to have forgot their last name took me in for the weekend. There were several boards of familys willing to take a sailor home for a few days. No other port I ever went to did anything like that. The pubs I went into were friendly and quite different than most bars I had been into before. Also there were several discos I went to which were awesome. I hated disco but the two places I ended up at had way, way way more women then guys.

    My wife and I are planning to go to Perth and Sydney on our 30th wedding anniversay two years from january. Even if the watering holes of Perth aren’t like I experienced years ago i will find it hard to believe that the people could have changed that much.

  18. yobbo Says:

    A lot has changed in 30 years.

  19. Nathan Says:

    Nah, its still a great city, jimC. Just gotta watch yourself in a couple areas after dark (like Northbridge), and avoid teenagers. But teenagers should always be avoided wherever you are, they’re whiny puffed-up mongrels.

  20. Anthony Says:

    As you get older you get less willing to put up with shit. Begging moronic bouncers to let you in so you can buy over-priced drinks wears real thin past 30.

    Nowadays I only go to the pub Friday lunch or arvo. I’ve even turned into a cheap drunk – two beers and I’m feeling pissy. This saves me heaps of money.

    I spent two weeks in Perth in the late 80s staying at Scarborough. Had a good time drinking at the Sands(???) but couldn’t understand the Sunday sessions. Just as things got going the pub would shut for a couple of hours.

  21. gaz Says:

    jimC, I wasn’t alive thirty years ago but the Perth I live in is absolutely nothing like the one you describe. You’d be a lot better off sticking to the East coast.

  22. as Says:

    2 fridays ago (i think) I was staying at obs. city. pretty late at night maybe 11 or 12, about 15 or so bike riders of some affiliation rode off north under my balcony, presumably from the arms. the most gutless pricks not only have to group together for protection, the gayer gutless ones dress up like each other.

  23. FDB Says:

    I never realised how shot Perth was till I moved to Melbourne. I’ve been living in Fitzroy for 12 months and still haven’t been to all the pubs within 20 minutes stumble of my front door. More than half with bands on 2 or more nights a week.

    That’s without even starting on the bars and clubs for when I’m cashed up. I’ve only been to 8 or 9 of them (not often cashed up!). Seriously, raised voices is the worst I’ve seen. Well, heard. Maybe I’ve been lucky.

    Fremantle was always better than Northbridge (not least for the superior species of football fan), but Yobbo’s right – after the last train it’s a ghost town.

  24. Andjam Says:

    I guess this answers one of your reverse agony aunt questions.

    But I have one for you: why is it WA that is so bad? I could understand NSW or Vic (left-wing nanny staters) or SA (founded by religious types), but WA? You’d think they’d love a drink or two.

  25. James Says:

    Steve’s is dead, they’ve started building the apartment complex so there’s no beer garden left. Let’s hope the new liquor licensing laws result in some competition. Oh, and I hear Subiaco has a nightlife, but it might be as bad as Northbridge (gangs and drug dealers).

  26. Boris Says:

    I have been living in Perth for the last 6 years. Perth is not renowned for its cultural life or nightlife, but pretty much everything else (weather, beaches, people, jobs etc.) is just great. The current population boom and associated property boom is a testimony to this. I have been to all Australian cities, and while Sydney and Melbourne have a lot to offer, their traffic jams are enough to turn me off.

  27. chidori Ashi Says:

    I used to live in Perth but for the last 5 years Ive been living in Tokyo. Next year Im going back to Aust but I couldnt live in Perth again. No way! Ive decided on Melbourne because the cost is better than sydney.

  28. Ian Says:

    Yobbo, sorry the wowser police police cleaned you out for $400+ JimC I was living in Perth 30 years ago (Spent last 23 in Sydney and now live on beautiful Hakesbury North of Sydney) . I am in a good postion to comment on the nightlife of Perth because as the folks and friends live there it’s been a trip back throughout those years and at intervals all under 12 months .
    I am careful not to put on the the rose coloured glasses as I get older but by any objective standard Perth for practical purposes just puts up the steel shutters after about 8pm.
    You might think I am exagerating Yobbo but till about the Americas Cup in 87 Perth had a thriving Nightlife it supported a beer barn circuit of cover bands where jugs were cheap and bar staff would have been sacked for not serving someone fast enough and who gives a fuck how drunk they were. It also a had quite substantial underground of non cover bands that might not be your taste but but got noticed worldwide. I doubt you would know their names but Triffids, Never Never, Scientists were known well beyond Perth. Triffids were on the cover of New Musical Express in the UK which is perhaps hard to explain in todays terms but lets just say it’s like being put on MTV except it means you are probably brilliant. Don’t know if you have heard of Dave Warner but he is unique and it says how hard pub life rocked in Perth that they could play 3 gigs in 3 pubs on a Saturday. ( I have proof of this).
    One day someone someone will write the story of the unholy alliance of wowsers, social engineers, monopolist licquor traders and how they managed to give a city a city of 1.2 Million people less nightlife than a town of 5000 people. I hope they write that story and make every bastard in Perth know.
    The great crime of the wowsers is they have made social life a private thing as you have opted for and who could blame you. The dregs are are heading for the few lights left on in dullsville after 9pm hence your poor mates problem (Hope he is feeling better).

  29. yob's little sis Says:

    Sorry yob i just think you hang out with the wrong crowd, or maybe say something to upset them.

    I may live in the country now, but when i do go to Perth and go out, to Northbridge normally, i am never in any danger of being robbed, mugged, beaten up, or stabbed. I don’t know if that is because i am a girl, but it is not like i am surrounded by 20 big beefy guys to protect me from the dregs, the dregs simply stay away. It is not that i haven’t seen people beat other people up in Northbridge, but really it is easy not to get involved in that.

    Here is a few clues, if they have small man syndrome, don’t hit them, cos their mates will hit you back.
    shrink about a foot, and don’t look so damn scary, and don’t rub the fact that the bouncers aren’t very intelligent in their faces, they hate that lol.

    one day big brother, people will stop picking on you, for being tall and scary

  30. James Hamilton Says:

    I really like it here in Perth. In fact i was just having a dip in the sea at about 530 on Sunday before heading off for an early pizza and beers in Freo and said to my mates “You’d be INSANE to live anywhere else”. That’s not say Yobbos views are not valid – I hardly ever go to pubs in Northbridge which is a hole made for and by people not like me. I drink in great pubs during the day and never have problems. Perth for me is paradise or it will be as soon as we sort out the liquor laws.

  31. yobbo Says:

    Plenty of other places in the world have beaches and pizza shops.


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