War On Red Bull

In a few years’ time, when the Health Nazis of the world have finally succeeded in banning Tobacco, Alcohol, Hamburgers and Gambling, you could be excused to thinking that they would be satisfied with that and give it a rest for a while.

Not so. They will never run out of demons to fight:

“Everything is a poison, including water, if you have too much,” he said. “Caffeine is a stimulant that releases your internal catecholamines” — compounds that can serve as hormones — “that make you anxious, jittery and create the fight-or-flight response. When the heart beats too fast, bad things happen.”

The researchers found the situation is exacerbated because caffeine is heavily touted as a legal alternative to illegal drugs.

Energy drinks and dietary supplements are promoted mainly through advertisements and on certain drug Web sites that recount users’ experiences.

Everything is a poison. Health Nazis will never be satisfied until you eat nothing but celery sticks, drink nothing except breast milk, and accept self-flagellation as the only legitimate form of entertainment.

Explore posts in the same categories: Politics

19 Comments on “War On Red Bull”

  1. James Says:

    ..but in the grand scheme of things, they’re aren’t doing so well in their efforts to “take over the world” and stop us from eating whatever we like. I mean, we’re the fattest we’ve ever been, so if the health Nazis were effective, I think we’d all be a lot healthier than we are. Eh?

  2. AD Says:

    The trouble with the Health Nazi industry is that they are so prone to fads and fashion. The dietary advice that comes from them seems to change by the minute, e.g.

    1. Potatoes are bad one minute and good the next,
    2. Wine will kill you and next you hear its good for the blood.

    The reality is that everything should be taken in moderation. Its unfortunate that this simple truth does not please the Health Nazi industry which needs a new cause every month to ensure they can keep shoving it into the publics face and perpetuating their existence.

    Hope they all die of the pox.

  3. hc Says:

    The link is cheeky Yobbo but I’ll just flog myself harder this evening to ease the psychic pain as I chew on my breast-milk-charged pacifier. Caffeine is claimed to have some heath benefits but a surgeon I met told me he doesn’t drink the stuff a day before he operates – ‘unsteadies the hands’ he claimed. It is addictive – people get headaches etc when they stop consuming. Also does lead to insomnia.

    Don’t celery sticks promote erotic visions among bored housewives? I think they should be sold in 2 cm length pieces max. The issue then is whether other household veggies might come under attack.

  4. Hammy Says:

    Red Bull have gotten in a bit early with the air show to ensure that they remain legitimate for a bit longer. Much like the tobacco advertising at the Grand Prix, methinks.

  5. Steve Says:

    Remember celery, breastmilk and self-fladgelation in moderation yobbo. Everything is poison.

  6. […] War On Red Bull – Sam “Yobbo” Ward – In a few years’ time, when the Health Nazis of the world have finally succeeded in banning Tobacco, Alcohol, Hamburgers and Gambling, you could be excused to thinking that they would be satisfied with that and give it a rest for a while. […]

  7. Dane Hayden Says:

    “It is addictive – people get headaches etc when they stop consuming.”
    So? I can either have a Panadol, or have another coffee. What business is it of yours?

    “Also does lead to insomnia. ”
    Precisely why I like it. Fuck off.

  8. hc Says:

    Dane, Lets make it clear that I have never suggested a case for banning coffee or for restricting its consumption. But I can express a view on its effects – and that’s all I did. Its hard to communicate in an intelligent way in the blogosphere when you have to deal with morons such as yourself so I’ll just return your compliment. Fuck off.

  9. Patrick Says:

    So the govt will make me like on breast milk eh? Doesn’t sound too bad but I’ll bet that it has to be homogenized, pasturized, skimmed, and we don’t get it from the original containers either.

  10. mister z Says:

    Only milk from the breast of Mother Earth should be consumed by the truly virtuous. You know, lava.

  11. Dane Hayden Says:

    Granted, that was impolite, so I’m sorry Harry. But the point remains, your views on my addiction, my headaches, and my sleeping habits are irrelevant

  12. Bannerman Says:

    What have you against sucking off a burgeoning tit, Yobbo?

  13. Boris Says:

    And if we eat everything strictly according to the latest health advice… we will die healthy!

  14. Hey sam — feel free to cross post this (and anything else appropriately political) over at als blog.

  15. mister z Says:

    Sod the politics, we’ve only had one girl friday in a month. Back on the horse, son!

  16. AD Says:

    Yes, I agree with Mister Z,

    Where have the girl fridays gone?

    Has Yobbo been so traumatised by his Northbridge experience that he has become a “Metrosexual Knob” as Mark Latham would say.

    Watch this blog for a forthcoming explosion from Yobbo.

  17. Mammary Says:

    I was a breast-fed baby, but I don’t recall how it was then.

    When the mother of my children was breast-feeding our little bundles of joy, I thought I’d have a taste, straight from the original container.

    Sweet and greasy in my opinion, and warm, of course. I didn’t go back for a second helping.

    I’d rather drink black coffee.

  18. murph Says:

    It’s all about power. They get a thrill from frightening people, changing their behaviour and, basically, pushing them around.

  19. David Leyonhjelm Says:

    Yobbo, even celery sticks and breast milk are poison. This has been known since the 15th century, when Paracelsus said:

    “All things are poison and nothing is without poison, only the dose permits something not to be poisonous.”

    I take solace from the fact that not only is organic tofu ultimately poisonous too, but it contains phyto-oestrogens in sufficient quantities to make all those food nazis grow man boobs. I don’t touch it, celery or breast milk myself. I prefer my poison made from malt, barley, yeast and hops.

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