Was The Bible Written By Tarantino?

Ten bible verses that rarely get a run on Sunday. Highlight:

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

I don’t know about you but I think an able-bodied daughter who is capable of milling wheat, carrying water and doing general hut-work is more valuable than 100 detached foreskins. He should have at least asked for some cows or something too. Saul was a sucker.

Explore posts in the same categories: Religion, Weird

7 Comments on “Was The Bible Written By Tarantino?”

  1. Blandwagon Says:

    Ironically enough, this passage was the basis for the sermon at my church last Sunday. What are the odds?


  2. Yep — there are some reall lessons to be learnt there. Like, you shouldn’t call your daughter “Michal”. That’s a guy’s name.

    My favourite bits of the bible is when the Israeli army kill all the men and take the women and children as slaves. But then Moses disagrees and says that all women and male children have to be killed too and only virgin girls can be kept. Mmm-mmm… I can feel the love. Praise the Lord and pass me the ammo, I got some infidel to kill.

  3. Mark Hill Says:

    Condensed bible:

    King-S: “100 foreskins, no deaths…”

    Sir D: “I’ll interpret that as kill 200 of the bastards and then cut their foreskin off….”

    King-S: “Good work not listening to me and going on that brutal rampage, go and make out with my daughter…”

    Maybe they put this into wake people up when they doze off…

  4. Brendan Halfweeg Says:

    “Slay all. God will know his own”


  5. […] Was the Bible Written by Tarantino? – Yobbo Ten bible verses that rarely get a run on Sunday. … I don’t know about you but I think an able-bodied daughter who is capable of milling wheat, carrying water and doing general hut-work is more valuable than 100 detached foreskins. … […]

  6. Pamea Says:

    What percentage of todays young men would sit through bible reading & sermon, unless they have joined the military or police and are attending under orders. Jewish boys have their fore-skin removed at a young age. So, he has made them all Jewish, then killed them!

  7. Omri Says:

    Mark Hill: where’d you get this bit about no deaths? Foreskins were the equivalent of scalps in that region. (And the Celts kept whole heads. And the Egyptians had a thing for right hands. The Native Americans were far more civilized.)


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