Cricket Fascists

The latest ban on the mexican wave at the cricket is just the latest in the slippery slope to make every single public event as boring as humanly possible.

Here’s a short list of things that have been banned at sporting events since I have been a sports fan:

1:) Full-strength beer. (However, it is still acceptable to sell 5% alcohol mixed drinks like Johnny Walker + Coke Cans, presumably because stadiums refuse to give up the ridiculous profits from that stuff).

2.) Smoking

3.) Balls of any kind

4.) Streaking

5.) Entering the playing arena for any reason (kids at the cricket used to jump the fence to field boundaries all the time)

6.) Musical Instruments (And yet, every time Australia plays in the Carribbean, we get to hear the commentators gushing about the great “festival atmosphere” from the steel-drum bands.)

7.) The Mexican Wave

Who is asking for these changes? It certainly isn’t the cricket fans. The Barmy Army trumpeter is probably the least annoying part of the Barmy Army. At least you can’t hear his stupid accent when he’s playing the trumpet.

If the batsmen were the ones complaining about the trumpet I could understand, but all the players LOVE the Barmy Army trumpeter. And the fans. And everyone, it seems, except the stadium managers.

Why? Because when you give someone a little bit of power, they always lust for more. Even if that power is only over a few cricket fans, the most common trait shared by those in positions of authority is the absolute glee they take in shitting all over those they have power over.

Cricket Authorities banned the Barmy Army trumpeter and the Mexican wave for one reason: Because they can. And making other people sad makes the power-junkies happy.

I went to the test match this year in Perth. Unless you are a member, you can only buy mid-strength beer from the drink caravans. And you can only buy it in plastic cups. And because plastic cups don’t have lids, if you buy 4 of them you need a tray to carry them. And they charge an extra $2 for the carrying tray.

And if you go with 4 friends, you need to make 2 trips for your round, because it is against regulations for the staff to sell you more than 4 beers at a time. Presumably if they didn’t do that, you would buy 5 for yourself and drink them all when they were hot, or something.

And after the tea break, you can only buy 2 at a time. So you’d have to make 3 trips. It takes a special kind of sadist to come up with all these rules, but they somehow always manage to make it into positions of authority where they can cause the most annoyance.

The funny thing is that none of these regulations apply to the members areas. So presumably, the ability to stump up $200 at the start of the year instead of paying for each day as you go makes you a more responsible drinker, or something.

I don’t mind paying through the nose to go and see the occasional game of cricket or footy. I don’t even mind paying $7 for a home brand hamburger patty in stale bread on the odd occasion I go. I don’t even mind paying $6 for a hot beer.

What I can’t stand is being treated like a child by someone who decided his calling in life was to be a security guard at a sporting stadium. For that reason I rarely go to any live sporting events in Perth any more. I’d prefer to watch them on TV at home where I can do whatever I please.

Anyone with any sort of pride in themselves would refuse to attend events with these sort of restrictions in place. It’s just pathetic.

Update: Saltation explains it even better in comments.

Explore posts in the same categories: Nanny-Statism, Sport

37 Comments on “Cricket Fascists”

  1. Saltation Says:

    >Why? Because when you give someone a little bit of power, they always lust for more.

    actually, more that people who desire power over other people are the ones who tend to strive for such positions. people who desire power over other people, as opposed to people who desire a good result for other people, need to Use that power continuously. that is, they feel the urge to continuously add to the limits and requirements for other people in order to achieve some additional effect, rather than have the maturity and ability to be able to sit back and look at the total effect.

    this core process is what drives most Continuous-Tightening-Up processes you see in society.

  2. yobbo Says:

    I think you nailed it.

  3. The Devil Drink Says:

    4.) Streaking

    Save us, please, Yobbo. Some things are best left covered. Nailed it pretty much everywhere else though.
    Oh, and a comment? 🙂

  4. Blandwagon Says:

    Do they ever trot out the excuse that they’re only thinking of the children?

    That’s a good multipurpose excuse for all kinds of fascism.

  5. hc Says:

    At the MCG the problem is not the ‘wave’ but throwing things. People who throw bottles at others are criminals and should be charged as such.

  6. Tex Says:

    …and every single person who was ever a student politician is now one of these worthless fucks

  7. Hugh Says:

    Next thing you know they’ll be setting up metal detectors so those of us who innocently carry in a harmless hip flask or two with our favoured poison won’t be able to do that anymore either… Now that will be the day I grace the gates with my presence no more.

  8. yobbo Says:

    No Harry, they are evicting people who start waves whether they throw anything or not.

  9. Tony.T Says:

    The wave is for imbeciles. I don’t care about the rest.

  10. SimonC Says:

    I went to a test at the SCG last year, when they first decided to ban full-strength beer. So we all ended up drinking their crap white wine, and ended up 10 times more smashed than we would have drinking beers all day.

    In fact, it was pretty hilarious looking around seeing yobs everywhere with dainty little wine glasses.

    Nowadays, I vote with my feet, and stay home. Same with the Big Day Out, although that seems to be getting bigger every year even without my help..

  11. AD Says:

    Screw all the rule imposing bastards, vote for freedom, trouble is, I dont see that in any party policy, most of them advocate more and more restrictions. Come the revolution, anrachy is looking attractive. I am tired and emotional.

  12. Jc Says:


    What’s this “Barmy Army trumpeter” Never heard of such a thing because i don’t do cricket.

  13. hc Says:

    Yobbo, I was criticising the measure. They should be dealing with the throwers not the wavers. I am going to the first final tomorrow with my son and he will want to wave.

  14. sympathiser Says:

    Why? Because when you give someone a little bit of power, they always lust for more.

    Very Orwellian/Bertrand Russell type of rhetorical question. As much as I hate restrictions at football games about smoking etc., the facts speak for themselves. Crowds are up in all sports and all codes quite dramatically since they began to introduce these type of regulations.

    I am lucky in that, although there is no football at the SCG, there is cricket and I can normally get a ticket to the members area where you are allowed to have a laugh, but socially any type of loudness is frowned down by the descendants of half blooded bastard sons of English lords, that through inbreeding, can trace their lineage back to some 5th century German barbarians a few thousand times. In Sydney at least, that is the type of person that makes it through the rigorous waiting line of membership. This can deter enjoyment slightly, but also explains why the “plebs” only get half drink.

    I don’t know, I think live sport generally is shitter these days to traditional supporters like myself who used to go to alot more games back in the day before regulations.

    Now I am more likely to go for a beer and watch it at the pub with a few sympathisers than make the effort to be part of the alphaville viewing scenarios. There are also alot fewere Bulldogs supporters as well,(well there are alot actually, but not the modern type of dickhead that seems attracted to the bulldogs).

    The real point is, if people and supporters organisations made a concerted effort against the regulations, than they would be gotten rid of, but economically at least, they seem to be working.

  15. yobbo Says:

    1. If crowds are up, there is no proof this is because of regulations. Especially at the cricket, crowds are up because our team is unbeatable and the previous series was one of the best of all time.

    2. There is football at the SCG. The Sydney Swans play there.

  16. pommygranate Says:


    I agree.
    Sign the petition

    btw – The Bugler is a guy named Billy Cooper, a classically trained trumpeter. On ejection from Adelaide, he could be heard playing the Last Post.

  17. […] has more on the cricket fascists (who’ve graduated from being mere fun police), while Tony the Teacher is funny and clever on […]

  18. sympathiser Says:

    1. If crowds are up, there is no proof this is because of regulations.

    What else has really changed in the past 15 years. Its seems a real universal trend throughout the western world. English soccer crowds are up because they introduced stringent regulations in the wake of hooligan related instances. The total soccer attendance there had fallen to 18 000 000 in 1985, it is about 30 000 000 now. Premier league crowds are suffering only because of high prices and they are more than being made up by rugby crowds of both codes. At English soccer you cannot even drink alcohol.

    AFL and NRL and union corwd increases in Australia are alot higher too and the only real similarity between them(say from ten years ago) is the introduction of these type of regulations, So I would assume that these type of regulations have had a significant impact on the crowds. I am not saying that I like them, just that it seems a pattern.

    Contrast this with a country like Italy that has no regulations and bloody woeful soccer crowds for its size, or Germany that has high soccer crowds and a mountain of regulations. Not to pretend that I am an expert on the matter either, just that it seems fairly elementary. I suppose you are right that there is no real proof, other than that sports crowds in countries with alot of regulations keep tending to rise, and the regulations tend to keep coming.

    2. I suppose if you consider gayfl to be football than you are right. I was talking rugby. They used to play the game of the week at the SCG, but do not any more.

  19. […] has more on the cricket fascists (who ve graduated from being mere fun police), while Tony the Teacher is funny and clever on Darryl […]

  20. conrad Says:

    I think there should be some appeal on cultural grounds.

    Maybe the Mexican wave doesn’t make it but things like streaking certainly do. Its clearly a harmless and funny tradition that only exists in a very small number of coutries (Aus/NZ & the UK). Its also culturally specific because some places are too puritan, so you would get seriously arrested (the USA), and other places are not at all puritan, so they don’t find it funny (Many places in Europe).

  21. Guido Says:

    Kids watching Melbourne Victory at the Telstra Dome have had their paper mache streamers confiscated because they are seen as ‘projectiles’.

  22. murph Says:

    A few year back, a wheelchair bound mate of mine turned up to the ‘Gabba with a piece of board which had about a dozen pint cup sized holes bored into it. He was stoked with his creation as he was going to be able to cart beers back and forth for the boys.

    Deadset, 15 minutes into the play, 2 Queensland coppers, fresh from solving every felony and larceny committed in the state, confiscated the board on the basis that my mate might use it as a weapon.


    Speaking of cunts, don’t get me started on that cunt, Chris Cochrane, who runs the ‘Gabba.

  23. jimmythespiv Says:


    Where is the Girl Friday ?

    And why have you not erected an electronic shrine to Anna Nicole Smith ?

    Shame !

  24. sympathiser Says:

    I think this article in the bbc sums ups some of the points about regulations.
    Particuarly this quote, comparing Italian soccer grounds with English “”After the Hillsborough disaster English grounds began to attract a different type of fan – they were places where you would feel comfortable taking your child or wife.”

  25. Anthony Says:

    Committees measure their success by how many rules they create. There was probably a valid reason for setting up the committee in the first place, but eventually they need to justify their existence. They perceive problems where none exist or if there is a problem its effects are exaggerated. A committee is only as intelligent as its least intelligent member and any practical or pragmatic people on the committee are soon overwhelmed by legislation. The result is the least useful solution is adopted and the obvious problem ignored. I am talking about Occupational Health and Safety, but the same applies in every case where a committee is involved.

    There’s a demotivational poster you can buy at that goes something like, “None of us is as dumb as all of us”. Perfect.

  26. Jamie Says:

    I was at the final at the SCG on Sunday with 6 friends and we got thrown out for “inciting” a wave. Stupid part was, the covers had come out and it wasn’t like we were interrupting any cricket. We managed to get the wave going, and I didn’t see one person throw anything in the air when it went through.

    If some idiot is going to throw a bottle when the wave goes up, it’s likely he’s the same guy who will start a fight – or cause some other problem at the ground.

    We all left amicably, and the hero security guards they employ at these venues, took it upon themselves to start pushing us in the back, grabbing us by our shirts and throats and generally trying to get a violent reaction out of us. It wasn’t until the police stepped in and told them to pull their heads in that they cut it out.

    Needless to say I will be thinking twice before sending any of my hard earned cash the way of the SCG Trust because it’s likely it will just go to pay for the Creatine beefshakes that these friggin clowns have for morning tea.

  27. g-lock Says:

    I’d dispute the crowd trends as well. AFL has seen massive attendance increases in previous years, setting a new record in 2005 and just falling short in 2006, partly because the MCG was out of action for the first month. The only real change in AFL culture has been the delay added between the game ending and the kids running on the ground, and the smoking ban, which was pushed by the MCG.
    Cricket, in contrast, has had all kinds of draconian measures placed on the crowd, and crowd figures are starting to feel the pressure. (Yes, there was a record attendance this year, but I could have hosted an Ashes Test in Kangaroo Flat and got 80000 people). The first final in Melbourne had dismal attendance, especially compared to the A-League final which was on over the road. I actually knocked back free tickets to the cricket, because turning up just isn’t fun anymore.

  28. James Says:

    The organisers need to be mindful of how they treat the fans. After 13 years as a Sydney Swans member, I’m not renewing. My problem is that last year they only had 6 Sunday arvo games at the SCG. The Swans at the SCG on a sunny sunday afternoon is what it’s all about (or used to be).

    The other games are Sat night (I play golf on Sat, and by the time I get home, I don’t feel like going out again) or Homebush where we have crap seats at what is probably the worst AFL venue in the country.

    It’s not to say that I won’t go to the odd game, but I’m happy to stump up the general admission fee, and most likely sit in the same seats, as they never seem to be reallocated.

  29. dez Says:

    Anyone at the second one-day final at the SCG would agree with me … Geez, it’s so hard to say this – almost like denouncing Santa – the game was actually boring.

    Light beer, a general ban on fun, and the prohibition of the revered ‘beer snake’. We were left to rely on over-inflated condoms for excitement and intrigue – would the wind guide them onto the field where they’d unceremoniously pop on contact with grassy blades?

    In a spirit of open defiance, we launched a mexican wave that travelled 14 times around the ground (is that a record?). But I was still left underwhelmed and asked myself; what happened to our beloved game?

  30. Power corrupts. Parasitism corrupts absolutely.

    they feel the urge to continuously add to the limits and requirements for other people in order to achieve some additional effect, rather than have the maturity and ability to be able to sit back and look at the total effect.

  31. Daavid Crawford Says:

    So far there have been 30 comments posted on this topic and not one of you has a real clue as to how this shit happens. I work for a private company that provides security at our city-owned sports venue. Said venue is used mainly for high-school sports, monster truck shows, and, the main money maker, country-western concerts. (All the rock concerts end up in Seattle at KeyArena, for insurance purposes.)

    At C-W concerts there are 2 kinds of fans:

    (1) Those that want to sit in their seats and watch the concert. They’re usually older, middle-class, and very articulate about what they want.

    (2) Those yonger fans that go to have an ass-kicking good time.

    And of course, what (1) considers an enjoyable evening is usually at odds with what (2) does.

    So what happens? Group (1), the articulate ones, conmplain to the city-employed managers of the venue. Those managers read the riot act to the private company supervisor. And geuss what? More security, less fun.

    I’m willing to bet that every rule that chafes your butt can be traced directly back to some paying customer bitching to the venue operators, or team officials, or such. One articulate complainer can have rules put in place that bug the shit out of 99 non-articulate non-complainers everyday.

  32. SimonC Says:

    Yeah, makes sense. Goes with what people have said above about making the place a more ‘family friendly’ affair.

    And when it comes down to it, if the organisers think they can make more cash out of the family market than they can out of the yobs market, then more luck to them. But I know that as well as my ticket money, I can easily drop $100 on full-strength beers and crap pies. And so do the 5 guys I go with.

    Now, I keep my ticket money, and spend $30 on a case to watch the game at home. If I feel like a crowd atmosphere, I can wander over to the pub across the road and watch it on the big screen, and still not pay a lot more.

  33. g-lock Says:

    The other part I don’t understand is that there are already designated family/dry areas. I can understand policing these areas heavily, but most grounds (the MCG in particular) are so huge that separating families from people such as myself would be very simple to do.

  34. Boris Says:

    “>Why? Because when you give someone a little bit of power, they always lust for more.”

    Yobbo, I always ask the question: you want a libertarian GOVERMENT. Isn’t it a contradiction in terms?

  35. Strider Says:

    Yobbo, you have a lot of important points here. The many things which are being banned from sport, such as Mexican waves and running onto the ground after the match, are what make live sports fun.

    That, and screaming abuse at the opposition team, fans, and umpire.

    The fun-police seem hell bent on banning this sort of activity – it is as daft as Lara Bingle suing Zoo Weekly for defamation for running bikini photos of her – is that a blonde lawyer joke or what?

    I despair of what this country is coming to sometimes.

  36. Junita Says:

    When the stadium is half full, then only the organisers will think of so called “strategies” to attract more fans!!! talk about lesson learnt….. they never learn!

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