Archive for the ‘News’ category

Being over 17 will get you locked up.

November 24, 2009

A warning for anyone stupid enough to visit Rottnest this week: You are a rapist.

Another concern for Sgt Bahen is toolies, older people looking to take advantage of young women, who he said would be removed if they were found on the island.

“Our message for toolies is you’ll be straight behind bars, and you’ll be off the island so fast your feet won’t even touch the ground,” Sgt Bahen said.

So if you are over 17, male, and anywhere on Rottnest this week, then you will be either behind bars or deported from the Island.

Set Tasers To “Kill”

November 26, 2007

Continuing the Taser theme here lately, In the US and Canada, 6 people have been killed in the last week by police armed with Tasers.

Western Australia, the gleaming light of liberalism that it is, is the only Australian state that issues Tasers to all general duty Police officers. That’s 1,500 Tasers issued to WA Police, who as we all know are hardly sober rationalists at the best of times.

These dangerous weapons should immediately be removed from WA Police arsenals.

In The News

November 1, 2007

* As far as “The West Australian” newspaper and most West Australians are concerned, the Ben Cousins saga is bigger than the moon landing. In that case, the latest development is like Aliens landing on the swan river.

Cousins Missing On Streets Of LA

* The Olsen Twins are 21 now. And one of them is shagging Lance Armstrong. Just though you’d like to know.

* While I’m on the subject (And let’s face it, when aren’t I?) Singapore Airlines asks its customers to refrain from shagging on its new Airbus A380 beds. Head jobs are also out of the question, at least until you get in the air.

Someone Stop The World…

January 22, 2007

… I want to get off:

A substitute teacher in Norwich, Connecticut with no prior criminal record could get 40 years in prison for exposing a middle school class to pornography. She apparently was using the computer in front of students when a loop of pop-up ads for porn sites began to appear. The loops only intensified as she tried to close out the ads. The woman made the plausible defense that some sort of adware or malware on her computer caused the pop-up ads to appear.

Leaving aside the stunning fact that you can apparently get 40 years for showing vanilla porn to a bunch of teenagers – the woman’s explanation isn’t plausible, it’s obvious. The batshit-insane alternative is that a 40 year old woman with no prior criminal record suddenly decided it would be a fabulous idea to show porn to her class, and then the sites she visited then coincidentally began spawning infinite popups. The case is so prima facie absurd that it should have been laughed out of court. But luckily for the prosecution, they had an “expert witness”:

On a projected image of the list of Web sites visited while Amero was working, Lounsbury pointed out several highlighted links.

“You have to physically click on it to get to those sites,” Smith said. “I think the evidence is overwhelming that she did intend to access those Web sites.”

In other words, this guy was testifying that highlighted links are evidence that that specific link was clicked, rather than simply evidence that the browser has previously visited the destination site. This is beyond jaw-dropping and into criminally incompetent. The witness should be prosecuted for that testimony.

One Careful Owner

January 8, 2007

A unique opportunity:

Sealand, the sea-fort turned world’s smallest country, is up for sale.


It is accessible only by helicopter and boat but according to its owners, who want offers of eight digits or over, Sealand boasts uninterrupted sea views, guarantees complete privacy and is a tax haven.

And your kids can drink all the cans of Coke they like!

RIP Milton Friedman

November 17, 2006

Free-market economist Milton Friedman has died aged 94. More at Club Troppo and Catallaxy.

Man Headbutts Road

October 26, 2006

Perth police are now branching out into comedy:

The man became agitated and aggressive when they tried to take him back to their station for a breath test, police said.

During a struggle, a police officer was kicked in the thigh.

“The man was taken to Fremantle Hospital for treatment to facial injuries after he headbutted the bitumen of the road several times,” police said.

Wow. He must have been really “agitated” to want to headbutt the road. Several times. Reminds me of those Scarborough riots when that kid headbutted the squad car window. Kids these days, huh?

He is expected to face Rockingham Magistrates Court today charged with assaulting a police officer, obstructing police and driving under the influence of alcohol.

Why aren’t they also booking him for damaging public property by headbutting the road? Hell, why bother with the small stuff? There’s an unsolved gold theft case still about. He probably did that too.


October 16, 2006

Shoaib and Asif test positive for steroids.

Akhtar and his new-ball partner Mohammad Asif were sent home in disgrace yesterday from the Champions Trophy in India after the pair tested positive for the banned steroid nandrolone. They face bans of up to two years after two internal Pakistan Cricket Board tests confirmed the results, chairman Nasim Ashraf said yesterday.

Darryl Hair unavailable for comment.

A Hard Earned Thirst

October 5, 2006

“That’s a Shame”

Armed with Eskies, the residents of the Victorian town of Meringur danced and drank beer as they watched flames engulf the home of Terrence Allan Ellis last Sunday night.

For the town’s tiny population of 16, this was the type of justice the legal system couldn’t deliver, and they wanted to celebrate.

Ellis, a 52-year-old alcoholic and former vagrant, was convicted two weeks ago of raping a young girl.

Police have quizzed residents over the arson attack and confirmed the fire was suspicious.

While nobody in Meringur is owning up to the crime, as many as 40 people from the area celebrated at the time.

Even the victim, whom Ellis had threatened to kill if she told anyone about the assault, and who still lives nearby, came out to watch the timber cottage burn.

“You couldn’t wipe the smile off her face,” her father said yesterday.

Of course the “real” justice system also delivered its own brand:

Ellis was sentenced to a minimum 3 1/2 years jail last month in the Victorian County Court and could be out in less than 2 1/2 years with time already served.

Poor guy.

Coup Update

September 28, 2006

Luckily, tanks don’t have inflatable tyres.

The tanks still dotted around Bangkok after last week’s military putsch against Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra are proving a major attraction for Thais and foreign tourists who want their picture taken with the soldiers.

But the army appears determined that the carnival atmosphere following the country’s first coup in 15 years does not detract from the serious business of power. Yesterday, it banned go-go dancers from flaunting themselves near tanks and troops.

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