Archive for the ‘Religion’ category

God Talks To Jesus

November 29, 2007

Gary Ablett:

“For some time after it I used to worry about what people thought, until one day Jesus spoke to me and said, ‘Gary, most people don’t even know who they are, let alone who you are, so why should you worry about what they think?’

After that it gets weird.

Questions And Answers With The LDP

November 1, 2007

(crossposted on my campaign blog)

A religious group, The Australian Christian Lobby, recently sent out a questionnaire to parties running in the upcoming election on a range of political issues . Many of the questions, predictably, are related to issues considered important by Christians, but they are questions that most people have an opinion on nevertheless.

Go here to read the LDP’s answers to the questionnaire.

Was The Bible Written By Tarantino?

December 7, 2006

Ten bible verses that rarely get a run on Sunday. Highlight:

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

I don’t know about you but I think an able-bodied daughter who is capable of milling wheat, carrying water and doing general hut-work is more valuable than 100 detached foreskins. He should have at least asked for some cows or something too. Saul was a sucker.

Religion Of Idiocy

July 3, 2004

KANO, Nigeria — A suspected large-scale polio outbreak was reported Friday among children in a heavily Muslim northern Nigeria state that had boycotted immunization campaigns, and local authorities appealed for urgent action to stop the spread.

The suspected outbreak was in Kano state, one of several in northern Nigeria that had shunned polio vaccination drives over suspicions the vaccines were part of a U.S.-led plot to render Muslims sterile.

The Jews must have been too busy controlling the world to get involved in this one.

“Leb Style” OK With Allah

April 14, 2004

Since Tim Blair’s regular ask an Imam feature seems to be on hiatus, let me fill the void with this handy titbit of Islamic law:

Question: My question is, what does the holy book Quran and prophet Mohammad (pbuh) say about anal sex even if the wife agrees to experience this with her husband?
Thank you

Answer: As deduced from narration anal sex is permissible; but it is strongly undesirable. Permission is bound to wife?s agreement and consent to anal sex. If she is not consenting, it would be impermissible.

Sharia: 1, Singapore: 0

No Shit?

April 8, 2004

THE church risked becoming irrelevant and boring to many people and needed to modernise the Christian message, the leader of Australia’s Anglicans said in his Easter message today.

Jews In Cyberspace

April 8, 2004

Crooked Timber is running a googlebombing campaign:

It seems that the top-ranked site on Google if you search for ?Jew? is an anti-semitic site. So this is CT doing our googlebombing best to correct this by linking to the Wikipedia entry for Jew instead.

I went to the site to take a look, and found this interesting list of famous jews. Needless to say, I can think of many better Jews to link to now!

2a.gifSo here we have a small selection of my favourite Jews:

Gene Simmons – Hard rocking Jew.
Natalie Portman – Darth Vader loving Jew.
Leonard Nimoy – Jew in space.
Kyle Broslofski – Foul mouthed, animated Jew.
Sarah Michelle Gellar – Jew can put it…….anywhere!

and last, but certainly not least….

Ron Jeremy – Fat, Hairy, Giant Schlonged Jew.

Just doing my part to foil the Nazis.

Io, Saturnalia!

December 24, 2003

On this day, about 2000 years ago, a guy called Jesus wasn’t born. Jesus’ true birthday was much earlier in the year – the site above puts it in August. The most likely origin of Christmas involves evangelists converting an existing festival called Saturnalia into a Christian celebration. So what was this Saturnalia?

Saturnalia (from the god Saturn) was the name the Romans gave to their holiday marking the Winter Solstice. Over the years, it expanded to a whole week, the 17th through 23rd of December. It also degenerated from mostly tomfoolery, marked chiefly by having masters and servants switch places, to sometimes debauchery, so that the (lower case) word “saturnalia” came to mean “orgy.”

Sounds good to me. I think I’d avoid those kind of shenanigans at family functions, though.

Hope everyone enjoys the holiday season.

Sharia Indonesia

September 29, 2003

Indonesia is planning to update its legal code with some long-needed sharia:

Cohabitation, oral sex and homosexual sex will soon become crimes in Indonesia if the justice ministry has its way, a ministry spokesman said.

He said in addition to Dutch colonial law, the proposed amended criminal code will also adopt Islamic law, international conventions and tribal laws. The draft, which is still being debated, proposes that a couple found guilty of cohabitation be punished to up to two years in jail. A man who impregnates a woman but refuses to marry her could spend a maximum five years in prison.

Sodomy and oral sex would be punishable by between three to 12 years in jail and homosexual sex would be liable to punishment of between one and seven years.

Not to be outdone by the insane Muftis, the local nutjob pagans want to make sure that nobody gets up to any hi-jinks:

A “witch doctor” or his client found guilty of using black magic to hurt other people could spend up to five years in jail. Supangat said ministry experts are still debating ways to obtain evidence of such acts.

I hear the bouyancy test works well.

Indonesia is the world’s most populous Muslim country but Islam is not the state religion and the country in general practises a tolerant version of the faith.

Not any more. Praise be to Allah.

Hot Lego Action

September 1, 2003

In the interest of offending all religions equally, allow me to introduce possibly the greatest use of Lego ever: The Brick Testament.

Lots of good bible stories here, illustrated with Lego men. My personal favourite, and soon to be yours, is the touching family tale of The Seduction Of Lot. Enjoy.